The War of Suzumiya Haruhi
by Johnny Wycliffe
Summary: Something went wrong, and now it's Kyon's job to stop the apocalypse. Written in reports with attachments. Updates sporadically. Rated T for language and violence.
1. Chapter 1: Reporting for hell

Author's note: Fanfiction is allergic to links and file names. I did my best to get around it, but I'm not sure how bad it looks. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

* * *

Report

Date filed: 12/26/13, 3:35am.

Real name: [Redacted]

Code name: "Kyon"

Merry fricking Christmas.I can't believe how quickly things go to hell. Right now... Right now, I have no clue where I am, just that I'm relatively safe. Not that anywhere is truly safe, but she can't seem to find us here.

Koizumi - god, it's painful - he has been in that infernal closed space for over an hour. I'm starting to think he won't ever come out. Yuki just nods a fraction of an inch each time I ask her if he's still alive.

Speaking of Yuki, she was doing some odd things, even for her level of oddity. She has already given me three boxes.

I've only opened one of them. It contains pills. She said they were called "Soldier Pills" in a manga she had picked up. I haven't taken any yet. The other two boxes are different shapes, but... I'm not really interested.

God dammit.

Okay, this is supposed to be a record of events. I need to start at the beginning. At least, the beginning of this particular event.

Besides, Mikuru has pretty much said this was an apocalyptic scenario, so if anyone survives, it would be good to leave information behind.

Predictably, if you read Yuki's works - all under a pseudonym of course - you can guess that it's Haruhi's fault. And you'd be correct. But this time, I have a decent share in the blame.

Anyway, it all started yesterday after school.

File insert: 0073 mov

/ File transcript

/ input start

" - it on? Good. Now, the brigade Christmas party can begin!" Suzumiya sits back in her chair and folds her hands over her chest.

Kyon glances at the camera. "Why are you recording this?"

"We need to keep better records of our goings on, don't you think? We can use it to update the website!"

Kyon shakes his head and slumps his head down onto the table.

Koizumi smiles slightly. "So, what was the goal of this meeting, Miss Suzumiya? I assume we are exchanging the gifts we bought for each other?"

Suzumiya nods. "Why else would I call a brigade meeting on Christmas day?"

Kyon, being close to the camera, can be heard muttering "Because you wanted to?"

If Suzumiya hears, she gives no sign. "Anyway. Let's start with the gifts Mikuru is giving out."

The girl in question, no longer actually a classmate at Kyon's school, jumps in here seat before stuttering out "R-Right!" The still dainty girl (but looking much more like adult Asahina) passes out four gifts, one to each brigade member.

Suzumiya tears into her one without hesitation. "I didn't know you could sew!" the exuberant girl exclaims as she holds up a scarf.

Asahina blushes as Kyon, Yuki and Koizumi all open up their scarfs as well. Suzumiya's is bright red, Nagato's is a deep purple, Koizumi's is green, and Kyon is unintentionally hiding his scarf from view.

Asahina pulls out another scarf, colored pink. "I figured that if we all have matching scarves, we can feel closer together!" the young woman's smile falters. "I-I'm sorry I can't see you more often. College is really hard-"

Suzumiya glomps onto Asahina. "We know, Mikuru! But you do have to take breaks, or else you'll become overworked!" Suzumiya looks over at Kyon. "I see he gets a patterned one?"

Asahina blushes even deeper. "I made his before I realized if they all have patterns I'd never get them done before Christmas!"

Suzumiya seems satisfied with that answer. "Koizumi, how about you next?"

Koizumi continues with his small smile. "Gladly. Let's see, Miss Suzumiya's, Kyon's, Miss Asahina's and Miss Nagato's." He hands out a gift to each recipient as he says their names.

Once again, since Kyon has his back to the camera, his gift cannot be seen. However, Nagato receives a book, Suzumiya receives a magnifying glass (Kyon visibly shudders upon seeing that) and Asahina gets a book on origami.

"Oh! I always wanted to le

/ input ceased

/ Sleep mode engaged

/ Sleep mode disengaged

/ Sleep mode was on for 2 hr, 35 min, 2 sec

/ Insert note: Koizumi's back. I had to- well, I'll write it after I'm done transcribing.

/ input resumed

"Oh! I always wanted to learn how to do this!" Asahina starts flipping through the pages of her book.

Suzumiya regards her present thoughtfully. "I can't believe I never thought to get myself one of these. Thanks Koizumi!"

Koizumi just waves his hand.

Nagato looks into Koizumi's eyes and whispers "Thanks."

Koizumi nods.

"Alright. Yuki's turn!" Haruhi exclaims.

Nagato stands up and places a small wrapped thing the size of a credit card. The camera fails to catch any significant detail until Kyon raises his card up into the light.

"Wow. Is this a credit card?"

Nagato hesitates, then nods. "Among other functions, it will allow you to draw funds from an ATM."

Even from behind, it is evident that Kyon is grinning.

Koizumi raises an eyebrow, but nothing else.

"Alright. Um, thanks, Yuki. I'm not really sure what to say. Anyway, my gifts next!"

Suzumiya passes out four small packages. Each one contains a framed picture of the SOS Brigade members during what Nagato calls incident #305.

"Thanks, Haruhi." Kyon takes the picture and gazes at it.

"Now, since I saved the best for last-"

"Hold up!" Kyon protests. "Saving the best for last would mean making me go first. You know I suck at this!"

Suzumiya walks over and leans down, giving both Kyon and the camera a decent view of her cleavage. it should be noted Suzumiya was wearing a "Sexy Mrs. Claus" costume. "I have faith in you Kyon!" she says cheerily.

"G-great. Um, well, here." he hands something to Haruhi, carefully keeping his eyes on her face. "Here's yours, Miss Asahina, and Koizumi. And... Yuki's."

Asahina opens hers first. "Erm... What is it?"

Kyon sighs. "It's a walkie-talkie with a headset. It should make coordinating brigade activities easier. I added some custom details to everybody's units so it'd be, um, more personal."

Suzumiya looks pleased. "Great! Everyone is free tomorrow, right? We'll meet up at the train station and we'll try out Mikuru's scarf's and Kyon's things tomorrow. Until then, let's get started!"

Suzumiya walks over to the camera and reaches over it-

/ Transcript ends

Huh. I forgot that we didn't record the hallway as well. That video was useless.

Anyway, Koizumi's in pretty bad shape. I'm just glad Mikuru's going to nursing school, and can treat him properly. It not like any other hospital could deal with his level of injuries right now, what with all the really bad cases out there.

Damn.

Anyway. I had to get Koizumi from the closed space. One of the Celestials had almost gotten him, but... Well, Yuki's other two gifts were a gun and an augmented reality chip. Seriously. The gun fires both compressed energies like Koizumi is his red ball of light form and regular bullets. Somehow, I never need to reload it, according to Yuki, but it will overheat if over fired. The augmented reality - Er, I'll attach the handbook Yuki gave me.

The AR chip thing kinda itches. I'll try and get Yuki to fix that.

Anyway, if I don't go to sleep now, I may not get to for a long time. So, that the end of this first report.

File insert: SOSB_paintball163 jpg

Description: the five SOS Brigade members stand in a line in front of a forest, covered in paint from head to toe. Everyone is smiling. Koizumi and Mikuru stand back to back, posing like action heroes. Yuki stands with her paintball gun pointed slightly downwards looking straight at the camera, obviously the least painted, but not by much. All that can be seen expression wise is a slight upwards twitch of the lip, which, for Yuki, is huge. Haruhi and I stand looking tired and supporting each other. Haruhi's top is plastered to her skin by the sheer amount of paint on it, just like mine.

Written on the back, in Yuki's precise handwriting, is the number 305.

File insert: ARHandbook txt

The Augmented Reality chip is designed to mimic Mikuru Asahina's own Augmented Reality interface without the time travel functions. Instead, it provides you with targeting information, health status, as well as marking down any enemies. It can also access the Internet from anywhere the Integrated Data Sentience Entity can be reached, and thus, I can be reached. It will automatically adjust clocks after time travel, so you never lose the date or time. Alarms can be programmed in. It has a texting interface. The lack of direct voice communication is made up your Christmas present. I will need to implant it into your skull before it can be useful. The pistol included in the other box converts ambient energy into either a solid titanium projectile which is then fired at supersonic speeds, or into a concentrated plasma blast similar to Itsuki Koizumi's. I will instruct you on it's se further when opportunity arises. The credit card I issued you serves also as a tracking beacon, has a razor edge, and can be used to manipulate the projections of your AR system, such as a map.

-Yuki

File insert: 00238 jpg

Description: Haruhi in her Mrs. Claus outfit and me with a pair of cloth antlers sitting at my dinner table, eating Christmas dinner. Both of our faces are red with embarrassment, since it was my own mother taking the photo. I still don't know why she showed up in that of all things. Anyway. Not sure why I included this photo in the report. Just... Felt like it.


	2. Chapter 2: Paintballs and Wrath

Author's Note: No faux attachments this time. I'm considering what to do with the pictures. If any artists want to take a shot at the pictures, please do, and send me a link.

* * *

Report

Filed on: 12/27/13 5:48 pm

Real name: [Redacted]

Code name: "Kyon"

* * *

Man, the last two days sucked.

First of all, after Koizumi got back to our "base," I had to run around outside, exposed to Haruhi's wrath, for hours. My lungs never felt so stripped of lining. Then I got stuck of guard duty, probably permanently. I sat in front of the monitors for twelve freaking hours and nothing happened at all. I even went outside once to see if the feed was actually updating.

It is, just nothing moves. Not for long, anyway.

I should probably explain what Haruhi's wrath is. It's a gas, gas masks are adequate protection, but the stuff is corrosive inside your lungs. If you're not wearing a mask, you can be expected to survive about a week, but the pain sets in first thing.

Not that it's been a week. It's been three days, but Yuki assures me that all wildlife will have perished in that time.

God damn it, Haruhi.

Ugh. Anyway, I forgot to write up about the incident last night.

Koizumi had gone into the closed space as normal, but the Celestials overwhelmed him and his esper friends. In fact, it got so bad that Koizumi broke out of the closed space to fetch yours truly. Apparently, with the weapons Yuki gave me, I'm just slightly more effective than a team of trained espers.

Which means I'm now the primary fighting force, instead of Koizumi. Yay.

The thing was massive and really fast, by the way. Like, Nagato-warp speeds. Without Yuki's upgrades, I would've been a splat on the ground the moment I got sent to closed space. With them, I managed to avoid the pounding fists of doom and get underneath the thing, where I found the thing had a massive red button labeled "hit me."

No, seriously. It wasn't visible to the naked eye, so Koizumi and his crew couldn't see it. I wouldn't have been able to reach it, but my pistol is very handy.

If I wasn't at war with her, I'd thank Haruhi for the movie shoots and the paintball. My aim is superb.

Once I shot the invisible button, the Celestial disappeared, then the closed space collapsed.

Anyway, I'm only writing these because I'm bored. Yuki suggested that we all keep records of our experiences for later reference. She's pretty much the leader now. She has excellent planning skills, second to one fighting skills, and can organize our entire operation effortlessly.

Mikuru still dresses up in that dumb maid costume, but she's our resident medic for now. Nursing school is doing wonders for her intelligence levels, to be honest. She no longer finds things like buoyancy fascinating. I'm kinda missing the cute cluelessness, but frankly I'm glad she's good at her job. I'm pretty sure that nobody in our little hideout would still be alive without her by now.

Speaking of death/dying, Koizumi's still in a bad shape. The Celestials didn't do much to him but drive him back. Red light can be hurt easily. No, Koizumi retreated because half of his team got wiped with a single blow, and he instantly left. What's scary is that we waited hours for him to get out, but in his time he only spent about five minutes, tops. Anyway, the thing that got him was the Wrath. The Celestial managed to knock his mask off (which, come to think of it means he had a lot closer of a call than he made it out to be) and Koizumi was dumped into a pool of the thick mist-like Wrath. Normally, you get trace elements of it, but dumped in a pool-

Let's just say even Yuki's struggling to cure him properly.

Anyway, Koizumi isn't the only sick patient in here. We've managed to rescue a lot of people into building sealed against the Wrath. Even some of Koizumi's espers got rescued from the closed space. We think we got all the one that were still alive when I got there, but theres no telling if we missed one. Yuki's people all worked together to create as many safe structures as possible. All over the globe, people can find shelter in these. They are the points of light in the darkness.

Or you could just convert to Haruhi-ism. That's the darkness.

Haruhi managed to work something into her mist that ignores anyone she wants to spare. Of course, it also comes with the side benefits of become her personal slaves, being brainwashed into thinking that worshipping a maddening voice in the sky is a good idea-

Okay, Yuki just came in here and told me that my blood pressure spiked. Apparently, she's monitoring my vitals.

Change of subject!

Yuki told me she only got to the start of the second year of highschool with her light novels. She said that I should try to fill in the last year and half in these reports. I told her I'd think about it.

Actually, I might as well explain the paintball incident. The one from last report, incident 305.

Yeah, that'll let me get my mind off things.

* * *

November 13th, 2013

Outside of some random forest. (If civil order is ever reestablished, I don't know how the paint got there)

Anyway, I started my day real early and got to the station half an hour before we were supposed to meet. Of course, by some miracle, I was still last. Each of the members had an reason to be there (even Mikuru, who said she couldn't sleep and had decided to arrive at 4:00am) so it fell to me to treat everyone. We couldn't go to our usual place since it wasn't open this early, so we went to a odd shop that makes American dough loops called bagels. Aside from the fact that I was paying, it did taste pretty good. Anyway, we took a bus to the mountain and Haruhi pulled out several illegal looking air powered weapons along with several hundred paintballs.

"Alright!" our ever exuberant chief exclaims. "Today, we're playing paintball!"

I look down at my clothes. Yup. Normal wear. A quick glance to the side shows that Mikuru and Koizumi were wearing regular clothes. Yuki... Actually, I only started calling her Yuki after Haruhi decided to kill me. Nagato was even still in her school uniform.

"Uh, Miss Suzumiya? We're not exactly dressed properly for paintball." Koizumi points out.

Our fearless leader snorts. "Of course you didn't! It was a surprise!" she then reaches down into the bag and pulls out a bundle of cloth that turns out to be five uniforms. Two are a fluorescent green, and two fluorescent orange. The fifth uniform is white.

Haruhi tosses Koizumi and I the green ones, Mikuru and Nagato the orange and keeps the white one for herself. "We'll use these to designate teams. First up, boys versus girls! Go get changed, and we'll discuss the rules back here."

Koizumi and I walk away deep enough into the forest to not be heard or seen by the girls.

He turns to me as he pulls off his t-shirt. "You know, I'm glad Suzumiya is still trying new things."

I grumble a bit. "Anything for a day without closed space, huh?" the green uniform is a one piece thing with a heavy duty zipper up the front. I struggle to pull it on.

Koizumi continues. "Yes, I am always grateful for that, but that wasn't my intentioned conveyance."

Had he been reading a dictionary again? "So, what did you mean?"

"Miss Suzumiya is actively, yet unconsciously, attempting to limit the creation of closed spaces. She's been looking for various new things to try, if you haven't noticed, including this activity. I do fear for the near future though. She seems to be running out of ideas, like she did the summer of first year."

Ah, what Yuki termed incident 172, otherwise known as "Endless 8."

I shudder. "I hope Nagato decides to tell us immediately if something like that happens again."

Koizumi agrees. "Yes. I do believe we, or rather, you, should ask her to inform us of such an occurrence."

I give him an evil eye as I bundle up my street clothes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Koizumi holds his hands up at shoulder level. "I just was pointing out that she's very likely to tell you anything. Compared to me who Miss Nagato is an ally, but not necessarily a friend."

I snort hard. "If we aren't all friends after these two and a half years, I'm going to complain to whoever decided what friends meant."

Koizumi pauses a moment, but dips his head amiably and smiles. "Of course. Now, Miss Suzumiya is starting to get impatient."

I haul tail back to the center grounds. Nagato and Haruhi are already changed, but Mikuru is nowhere to be seen.

Haruhi holds out a paintball gun, already filled to me as I approach. "Here. Since you two have a teammate disadvantage, you get to start up on he hill."

"Wait a second! Your uniform isn't orange!" I protest. No way was I going to let Haruhi be on the same team as Nagato. That was just cheating.

Not that she knew that, of course. And I can't tell her, because... Well in hindsight it's kinda obvious.

"So? I said boys versus girls, not orange versus green!" she beams a smile my way. I'm beginning to think that smile carries more than a little triumph, seeing as she only pulls it out when she's beaten me. "Oh yeah, did you bring the camera and tripod?"

I fish around in my book bag, temporarily repurposed as a lunch tote, camera case, and now, spare wardrobe.

"Yeah. Here it-"

I only get that far before Haruhi snatches it away. "Alright! This is gonna be so cool!"

Shortly, Mikuru shows up, and somehow, despite all the other Haruhi provided clothes being loose, her is pretty tight, especially along the-

Yuki just interrupted me again. Something about decorum. I get it!

Anyway, Koizumi and I get sent 100 meters up the mountainside, past a shallow stream and ending up about thirty or so feet up from where we started. Not much of a height advantage, but I'll take what I can get.

In the distance, a whistle is blown. The game is apparently on.

Now, Koizumi and I have played strategy games in the club room for so long, we're both very good at sizing up and opponent and deciding what to do next. It took us all of ten seconds to formulate a plan and start moving in opposite directions. I soon lose sight of him in the dense foliage.

In fact, it's very quiet. Almost disturbingly quiet. I trounce around in the underbrush to where I'm sure I should have gotten to at least one of them-

Crack!

I step on a branch, instantly giving away my position. All the warning I get is the glint of something shiny before I duck.

Pop!

Pop!

Bang!

The last sound was off. I couldn't tell why, but it was off. I slump against my cover tree and look up.

Where I was standing just a second ago, there are two pink blotches of paint. That isn't unusual, but what was unusual was the chunk of bark stripped away one one side. It didn't look like it was from natural causes-

Pop!

Pop!

Bang!

Pop!

I jerk my knee in just before the paint orbs can hit me. Three of them splat against the ground and color it pink and yellow. The fourth projectile carves a meter long path through the dirt. I can see where it stopped moving, in fact.

I gingerly reach over and snag it.

Okay, of all the crazy ideas Haruhi has had, why was she shooting real bullets?

* * *

Crap! Just got... Something on the monitors. Gotta put this story on hold until I can deal with... Well they're ugly, whatever they are.


	3. Chapter 3: Dogs of War

Author's note: I'm trying to match the date and times on the file to the actual time and date I post the chapter. It's the main reason this story updates so quickly. Two reports, ~5 hours apart? That spells h-a-p-p-y r-e-a-d-i-n-g.

Report

Filed on: 12/27/13 9:21pm

Real name: [Redacted]

Code name: "Kyon"

* * *

Okay, sorry about that.

"Haru-dogs."

It's Yuki's official dub of these creatures. Instead of outright killing to dogs of our city, Haruhi's Wrath seems to evolve them into much more vicious form. It wasn't lost on many (sorry, Mikuru) that it was like one of those bad horror movies where a virus completely changes something. What was it? Contagion?

Of course, it was pointed out by Koizumi (from his bed. At least he regained the ability to talk) that Haruhi probably did get the idea form that movie.

I enormously regret giving her the idea last October.

The things are depressing to kill. We have too, right? To ensure our safety? But the haru-dogs use to be dogs, and...

Well, I'm just glad I'm not overly fond of dogs. Mikuru on the other hand...

Mikuru hasn't been holding up all that well. She was using her medical skills single-mindedly up until this point, but now that people are either dead or in stable condition, with no emergencies, she's starting to wake up. And it's gonna kill her.

She's, well, currently she's sobbing in a chair in the corner. She came to me after I came back inside from the Wrath, demanding to see some footage of the battle I just fought. Against all better judgement, I agreed. Now she's not doing so hot, as previously mentioned.

Hmm.

I should probably continue with the paintball story. Unless Mikuru starts looking over my shoulder. then I'm gonna have to focus on her instead.

* * *

/ Draft loaded

/ Continuing from last saved point

So. Haruhi's firing bullets at me. Like, real bullets, made of metal. Not good.

I can hear Koizumi lecturing in my head. "Miss Suzumiya obviously believes that this is a real war. She needs to be convinced of it very quickly so she doesn't accidentally harm anyone."

I briefly consider that he had developed some kind of telepathy not depending on Haruhi, but then disregarded the notion. Koizumi would have used at least ten sentences.

"Whoa! Time out!" I call.

"No time outs!" our sadist commander calls out.

Good. So my options are:

1) Die

2) Win

3) lose by either Mikuru's hand, or Nagato's

Frankly, dying is the most likely outcome. As it stands, 2-on-3, we are hopelessly overmatched. While Koizumi could be a good shot, I didn't really know, Yuki is super precise, can probably make the paint missiles homing and has reaction speeds faster than anything. Where I am almost useless at every sport I do, Haruhi is likely the top markswoman in our school archery club. And they also have Mikuru, though not really sure-

Somebody shrieks as the Pop! of a paintball gun goes off. Mikuru, periwinkle paint splattered all over the side of her torso, stands up and raises her gun in defeat as she walks down the slope.

Okay, 2-on-2. Nice work, Koizu-

And my partner also stands up, pink blotches speckling his helmet. "I'm out!" he calls cheerfully, as if he just won a prize. I suppose not getting shot is a good prize.

I can hear Haruhi snickering from my position, now behind a rock. A wet splat hits my cover, doing nothing but marking my position for the other shooter.

"Uh, I surrender?" Next to me, paint splatters and makes me recoil from that particular escape route.

"No surrendering!" the brigade chief's booming voice seals my fate.

I clutch my paintball gun as tightly as I can, then pop up from behind cover and shoot where I thought I had heard Haruhi's taunts.

Instead, a very surprised Yuki Nagato is hit point blank by a blast of blue-green paint.

I can only guess why she was right there, but I suspect either she decided not to cheat and turned a lot of her abilities off, or she had let me get her on purpose.

Either way, it is now down to me and Haruhi, and she's using bullets.

So option 3) is out. That leaves me with win or die conditions. And I can't time out or surrender.

My mother once told me that if I ever faced someone with a gun, as unlikely as that is in Japan, to just give them what they want. Money, keys, dignity, none of them are worth your life.

What she didn't tell me is that the person might just want to shoot me. What then?

Bang! Another bullet hits a tree dead on... And explodes into red paint. Of course. That would hide the reality from Haruhi, while still allowing for lethal metal slug to come flying my direction.

I morosely consider just how much Haruhi's paint color looks like blood. Tracing the bullet's path, I suddenly notice a cave-ish opening I could probably squeeze through.

I slowly poke my weapon up over the tip of the rock. It is almost instantly fired at. Good thing it didn't make contact, or else I would've been screwed.

Suddenly, Haruhi vaults over the rock. I scramble backwards, and very narrowly avoid being landed on.

"Hah! No I've got you!"

I raise my weapon's barrel towards the sky. "Okay! Don't shoot!" As my feet keep pressing me away from the class 2 psycho-bitch*, my rear end reaches the edge of the hole.

"Sorry! My policy is no prisoners!"

I fall into the hole just before she pulls the trigger. The paintbullet hits the back wall instead of my forehead, showering me with dust, some of it coated red.

Ow. My ankle. Really screwed now.

Haruhi must have heard my moans of pain because she drops her gun and peers into the hole. "Hey! Are you alright? Kyon!"

"Um-"

"Wait, coming down. Hold on a sec."

She carefully descends into the cave with me. Now, if only we weren't covered in paint, and maybe Haruhi was Mikuru-

"Did you hurt yourself?" Haruhi looks me over.

"I, um, did something to my ankle. It hurts a bit."

Haruhi gently touches my left ankle. I hiss in pain as a response. "Yeah, looks bad. Hey! Yuki, can you get Koizumi over here? I need him to help get Kyon out!"

I could've pointed out that Yuki is much stronger than Koizumi, but...

Haruhi leans down and whispers in my ear. "I'm sorry. I didn't know there was something back here. I wouldn't have pressured you so hard otherwise." her lips curl into a distant frown, A.K.A. Her default expression. "Anyway, we'll have to figure out a way to hide our paintball activities from the police, especially if we call an ambulance."

I nod in acceptance. "Oh, by the way?"

Haruhi leans in to hear my faint voice.

Pop!

The front of Haruhi's shirt is suddenly covered with blue-green paint.

"No time outs!" I can't help the grin spreading across my face.

To my relief, one crosses her face as well.

* * *

Once I was out of the cave, it was determined that I had only rolled my ankle. Painful, but doesn't need medical attention. Not that that stop Mikuru from fussing over it, but I was able to play a few games after sitting a few out.

Koizumi, once informed of the danger, had suggested a different method of play, rather than elimination. It involved a penalty once one was hit, rather than a complete walk off. The shooter gets to pick the punishment, from a previously picked set of them.

This change in perspective was enough to change Haruhi's bullets back to paintballs. After Nagato had been blasted enough times that she was head to toe periwinkle, blue-green and red (Mikuru had yellow paintballs. I think Haruhi still has the 99% she didn't fire) I had to ask her the question.

"How come we can hit you, Nagato?"

Nagato turns her head to me. "I disabled all security protocols that would render me untouchable. Furthermore, I disabled all sensors that cannot be accessed by humans, and I added a time delay for reaction speed, to even the playing field." Nagato tilts her head. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, just curious. By the way, did you know that Haruhi was firing real bullets? You didn't immediately stop her, so I figured-"

Nagato actually smiles. Like, enough that a regular person could tell, if they looked hard enough. "You had it under control. No interference was necessary on my part." Wi that, she rejoins the game in progress.

The rest of the day went smoothly, and we all had a ton of fun, even if I had to do somewhere around 100 pushups by the end. I'm pretty sure Haruhi was targeting me specifically, but I couldn't fault her. After all, I won the first match.

Of course, at the end, we took a few photos to commemorate the occasion, and then changed back into normal clothes for the ride home. No telling what people would think of our technicolor hair though.

Now, Haruhi and I live relatively near each other. I think. Somehow, I've never been to her house except for the SOS Brigade's birthday, and I was too dazed to pin down the location exactly. So I didn't think it was strange at first when we headed off in the same direction from the train station. I didn't think it was odd until three blocks from my house, in fact, but I suddenly realized Haruhi was still there, talking. It was odd only in that she always went straight home after club activities. Always.

So, because I'm so tactful, I asked her. "Did you forget which way your house is?"

Of all the expressions I've seen her wear, pouting with Bambi eyes was not one of them. "Aw, you don't want my company?"

Well, now that my brain is mush from the eyes (please don't show my sister), so my response was along the lines of "Guh, I'm happy that your here with me."

Yep. I'm a smooth talker.

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* * *

Anyway, now that that's cleared up, I'm going to go to bed. Hopefully tomorrow doesn't contain any giant bugs or invisible cats. I draw the line at Haru-dogs.

* * *

Attach File: PsychoBitchScaling doc

Despite being labeled "Psycho-Bitch," this can apply to men as well. Called "Psycho-Dick" in this case.

Class 1) does not intend direct harm or psychological harm, confirmed by speech. Will not realize problem easily, but can be deferred once offered proof.

Class 2) does not intend direct harm or psychological harm, unconfirmed by speech. Otherwise same as Class 1

Class 3) intends psychological harm. Unlikely to follow through on any physical threats posed, but still will use props to scare a victim. Most useful technique is direct confrontation(Are you sure you want to do this? etc.). Do not mix up with Class 5

Class 4) intend physical harm. Best defense is to run away. Quickly.

Class 5) intends both physical and psychological harm. Normally fall under the label, "Sadistic." normally found in movies. If encountered in real life, do not mistake for a Class 3. Running away is the best option. Earplugs are a bonus.

* * *

Attach File: SOSB_paintball096 jpg

Description: Partially concealed by moss, the entrance to the cave is about three feet diameter average. It is five feet deep at the entrance, but has a series of smaller branching tunnels similar in size to a groundhog's hole.


	4. Chapter 4: Yeti, part 1

Report

Filed on: 12/29/13 11:01 pm

Real name: [Redacted]

Code name: "Kyon"

* * *

Today was better than two days agoi. We raided an abandoned farm and managed to get three pigs and a cow out of the deal. Fortunately, we already have a farmer by the name of Ben. Ben's a nice guy. Wouldn't give him a hard time if you paid me to.

Haruhi doesn't seem to care about him enough to devote more resources in our direction. That's a plus for me.

Speaking of Haruhi (who isn't?), she came back down out of the sky today around 3:25pm. She actually laid a price on my head. Apparently, I'm worth one million yen alive, two hundred and fifty thousand dead. I had Yuki check, and nobody seems to be willing to sell us out for money. Yet.

Thanks to Mikuru, Koizumi is getting better. He was able to give a rousing speech to the other patients, their nurses, and their doctors. Guy's a freaking show off.

One really freaky thing about leaving the safety of our bunker? No, not the Haru-dogs, or Haruhi's Wrath, though those are pretty terrible. I'm talking about what happens when you walk into a home, and you see Christmas dinner, spoiled by the Wrath, with toys from Christmas morning on the floors. It just kinda leaves you empty inside.

Wow, that's grim.

Anyway, it took me two days to write this. The reason being? I was sick. On top of the apocalypse, my name being called from the sky, and trying to save the world, I also god a bad case of the sniffles. Yuki had already been sent out on mission, so I was quarantined all day so I didn't infect our entire base. Yuki did eventually come back, but I was spewing phlem everywhere in the meantime. That reminds me, I need to disinfect the security consoles after I'm done with this report. It's not like Yuki, the only other person watching the cameras, would get sick. Hey, maybe she already disinfected it? I'll have to ask. Anyway someone here actually read Yuki's novels. After we assured her that they were as accurate as they could be, she asked what happened after my alpha and beta selves merged and I gave Haruhi her SOS brigade - 1 year present. So, here it is. Hopefully Yuki will declassify these so I don't actually have to say it to the girl. She looked like she wanted to glom onto me. I mean, I already have a girlfriend. I think.

* * *

So, Haruhi had just announced that we were going to do a comedy routine, if I remember right. Whatever it was, I barely managed to convince her that it was a horrible idea anyway, after my performance as a reindeer. Once she realized just how hopeless I was, she immediately moved on to a new venture. I mean immediately. My guess was that she was counting on me rejecting the idea, and had come up with a substitute.

"We're gonna go to the mountains and look for a yeti then!"

Somehow, I had a feeling that this couldn't end well, and that I couldn't convince her not to go through with it. I decided to try anyway.

"A yeti? Those don't exi-ow!" the ruler that whacked the back of my head was a surprise.

"What kind of attitude is that? Have you forgotten the club's reason for existing?"

I never found out in the first place!

"Anyway, I looked it up. We're gonna have a great chance to go up there in less than a week."

Daring another whack with the ruler, I raise my hand. "it's April. Isn't that a little too late to find a yeti?"

Thankfully, no ruler came. "Actually, it's the perfect time! Since there isn't anyone else skiing or hiking this time of year, the Yeti will be out and about. It normally doesn't have to dodge tourists at this time of year, so it won't be expecting us!"

The four of us that knew what Haruhi was capable of just looked at each other. I swear, if we actually encounter a yeti, I'm gonna be pissed.

"Anyways, dismissed! I don't need you to come to the club tomorrow, since I won't be here. I know you're all disappointed, but hang in there! Saturday morning is the day."

With that, we broke for the evening.

* * *

It was a grueling week, but once it finally ended, Haruhi called us all into the club room, as if we weren't headed there anyway. Once we got there, Haruhi issued last minute instructions.

"Koizumi, it's your job to pack provisions. Mikuru, you're in charge of sleeping bags. Yuki, you need to find us two tents, large enough for two in the first, and three in the second. Kyon-" she gets a nasty gleam in her eyes. "I'll tell you later. Anyway, since you all have some shopping to do, we'll dismiss early."

Yuki snaps her book closed, Koizumi puts back the go board he had literally just pulled off the shelf, and Mikuru looks down at her maid outfit, which she had just put on.

I get out of the door first, followed quickly by Haruhi. "Kyon, let's go to our secret meeting place. What I need from you is a surprise to everyone else."

I reluctantly follow at her pace to avoid her grabbing my tie. True to form, she runs the whole way there.

Finally, at the top of the staircase, I pant for breath. Haruhi isn't winded of course. "Alright, Kyon. You're in charge of the camera. You need to keep this from the others, and you need to film throughout our trip discretely. Got it?"

Not sure how discrete I can be with that camera, but I nod anyway.

Haruhi gets a faraway look in her eyes. "Also, you need to bring protection."

Now, I'm not sure what you made of that, but I know what I made of it. "Uh, I though- Er, o-ok. Do you have a preference?"

She gives me an odd look. "Huh? I want you to bring our toy pistols. The Yeti won't know they aren't real."

I'm sure my face was radiating enough energy to power the entirety of Japan at that moment. Haruhi either doesn't notice or pretends not to. "Anyway, see you tomorrow, bright and early!"

I refrain from speaking, instead waving nonchalantly. She once again gives me a look that says "What's your problem?" before she descends the stairs.

You'd think I'd have dug myself in deep enough as it is, but no.

As soon as she was completely out of earshot, I called up the only guy I could think to. "Hey, Koizumi? Got a minute?"

I proceeded to explain the situation minus the camera. I got as far as 'protection' before he audibly smirks and says "congratulations!"

It took me a good minute and a half to get him to calm his laughter down enough to tell the rest of my story.

"Oh. I thought you had finally admitted your feelings to Haruhi and are now dating." the jocular tone grates on my nerves.

"You do realize that if that that ever happens, the world will come to an end?"

Koizumi just laughs louder, then hangs up.

Asshole.

* * *

The next morning came three days too early. Of all the things I wanted to do this Saturday, climbing a mountain wasn't high on my priorities. I managed to get to the train station last, as always, but only by a couple of feet. Haruhi herself only beat me by three paces, and only them because that stupid biker got in my way. I was doomed to pay for drinks once again, and my wallet felt lighter than ever. Oh well.

Haruhi laid out a map of a nearby mountain we had somehow not yet climbed, and pointed out our route.

All of a sudden, I remembered what Haruhi had said about discrete filming. I carefully activate the camera and set it into the fake plant behind me, under the guise of going to the bathroom. As I pass by, Haruhi taps my fingers. I guess that's my good job.

Finding that I suddenly did need to use the restroom, I move into the bathroom-

And Fujiwara is waiting for me. He pins me to a wall and growls down at me. "Hey, prick. Fancy meeting you here."

"What do you want?" I put as much menace into the voice as I can, but it still sounds weak to my ears.

"I want answers. What the hell happened on the mountain?"

I stare at his ugly face (well, not really. I just didn't like him that much) for a few seconds. "Wait. The time traveller doesn't know what will happen in the future, and instead of, you know, going there, you decide to harass someone who hasn't been there yet. Bravo."

Fujiwara blinks twice. "I, for whatever convoluted reason, can't travel there. I've tried. Anyway, I thought you were the one who came back already."

"Soooo, I come back to today after we get back?"

The look on Fujiwara's face is priceless. The contortion of madness and the urge to scream twist his face to look like something out of a funhouse.

"You- I'm going to kill you. Someday, when it hasn't been predetermined you survive." he lets go and spins on his heel, entering a stall. A few seconds of silence go by before I knock on the door.

No response. Fujiwara is gone.

I return to my table to find the others getting up to go. Haruhi hands my the bill on her way out.

The ride up is completely uneventful. In fact, I could have slept through the whole thing and not missed anything. Haruhi was oddly silent. I wondered what was going through her mind, before realizing it probably wasn't anything good.

Once we finally hit the base of the mountain, I look at the peak, really far away in my opinion. Interstingly, nobody else seemed to be in low spirits due to the trek. Well, Yuki had her neutral face on, Koizumi was as hard to read as ever. Miss Asahina (I was still calling her that back then) was also cheerful. I'm pretty sure it was because Haruhi hadn't given her a costume to wear, unless you count the fact that her coat still reveal som cleavage...

Abandoning train of thought. It can only hurt my chances of survival.

Anyway, we hiked up the mountain, once again suspiciously devoid of white furred flesh eating abominations. Obviously, Haruhi had decided that no yeti would be this far down the mountain.

I call Koizumi over. "Here you go. One of the pistols. I figure I shouldn't have both."

Koizumi smirks. "I'll take good care of your protection."

I pull me pistol and fire at him. My aim is so wide that I almost wing Miss Asahina instead.

"Eeek!"

"Ah, I'm sorry! I was trying-"

Haruhi steps right up to me. "Kyon! I thoug I told you to keep our protection hidden!"

Miss Asahina goes deep red at that. Koizumi snickers. Yuki remains blank, probably not getting the joke. Probably.

I choke out a response. "Uh, Haruhi? You realize that the the way you say it implies-"

"Oh who cares! Just give me that pistol already." She proceeds to swipe the pistol out of my hand.

That was literally the only entertainment on the way up the mountain. Eventually, exhausted, we reach a cave. Koizumi hands me his pistol. "If the yeti is in there, yell loudly." He whispers in a stage whisper.

Volunteered to check the cave, and not sure if I should be more concerned about a bear or an actual yeti.

Thankfully, there wasn't either. But there was a note.

"Set up the camera before you get in, and activate it at 3:30am tomorrow morning."

Huh?

Needless to say, I did as the note instructed. Who am I to refuse the instructions of random notes?

After I gave the all clear, Haruhi and I pitched the tents. I wondered exactly why she was helping, but I was grateful nonetheless. Tents are hard to set up! I think I should have practiced once or twice before actually trying to set it up. All I did was make a laughing stock of myself while Haruhi flawlessly understood what to do.

After the tents went up, Miss Asahina started a fire. (I guess they tell you how that works in the future, at least.) she then proceeds to cook and excellent pot of something. I can't remember what it was supposed to be, but because she touched it, it tasted so good.

We broke for the night and drew watches.

* * *

Wow, it's getting late. I need to get back to monitoring the cameras in 4 and a half hours. I'll finish this story when I can. For now, I need sleep. A dose of cold medicine wouldn't be out of place either...


	5. Chapter 5: Yeti, part 2

Report

Filed on: 12/31/13 4:28 PM

Real Name: [Redacted]

Code name: "Kyon"

* * *

Alright. I have some news, but I'll finish my story first.

* * *

So after we drew our watches, I was quite unsurprised to find that I had drawn the 2-4 AM lot. I figured it was likely predetermined, probably even by me. I mean, either it was the me from the future (thanks, Fujiwara!) or it was Harhui, playing some sort of game. I bent my head to consider her behavior this trip.

It wasn't as if I was able to time travel myself, I needed Miss Asahina for that. Or Asahina the elder. Not sure I want to touch that one. Anyway.

I was awakened for my watch by Yuki. She barely touched me, but I was instantly wide awake.

She puts a finger to her lips and gestures towards the opening of the cave.

I get the hint. My watch. I grudgingly take her place on the rock. Despite it being April, it is very uncomfortable temperature-wise on the mountain. I wrap my sleeping bag around me and let my eyes glaze over as I stare across the blank landscape. No sign of anyone or anything. Time passes by. At one point, I thought I heard something move in the forest, but it was nothing.

Eventually, I glance at my watch. 3:02 AM. I content myself with thoughts of camping in more reasonable climates. Like, next to a river, where the water is fresh. Or, better yet, a waterfall. I always wanted to visit a waterfall.

I glance back down at my watch. 3:04 AM.

Hmm.

I get up, still wrapped in my sleeping bag, and start pacing. It helps warm me up, a least. I look around the outside of the cave for a second as well. Nope, no yeti or bear.

3:11 AM. I'm starting to think that Haruhi thinks up these things just to spite us. "Hey! Let's go get our heads chewed off by a yeti! Let's play baseball, I'll only destroy the world if I lose! Let's film a movie! Since we can't do special effects, let's get the real thing!"

Actually, if I'm pretty sure she still has no idea of her power. If she did, we might be a bit worse off by now, because she's the kind of person to willing let go of you over a pool of acid with a smile on her face.

That actually happened by the way. Long story.

So I'm siting on watch, and finally, something happens. This trip had been so uneventful that I was starting to get creeped out by the normalcy of it all. As far as normal can be defined when looking at a mountainscape. The odd thing I noticed was a blinking light in the trees. Curiosity getting the better of me, I go out to check the light. Despite what looks like a short distance, the path to the light takes me a few minutes. I finally get to the thing and pull it out of the tree.

It's a round, red strobe light with a clip on the back. Cyclists use them to be seen at night. What was one doing up here, in the middle of the night?

I check my watch, then curse. 3:26 AM. I wasn't going to make it back to the camera on time!

I dash back through the forest, looking for the telltale fire we kept lit.

Once I get back to the entrance to the cave, I check my watch. 3:38 AM. I groan and head to the crag where I had his the camera. Surprisingly, it was already recording. And only for about eight minutes, too. Someone else had triggered the camera. Probably Haruhi.

I sit the last 20 minutes of my watch uneventfully, fingering the blinker. What was it doing up here? How did the camera start itself? I need some answers!

I wasn't going to get those answers by staring at a forest, no matter how high up it is.

I wait for my watch to count to 4:00 AM and wake up Haruhi. She had drawn last watch. I slide back into my own tent as Haruhi exits hers. "Anything interesting?" She mouths at me.

I shake my head no. And hit the sack for all of five seconds when-

"Ah! Tracks! There are tracks here!"

Having roused the entire camp, Haruhi gestures for us all to follow her to where she had found-

Giant, human-ish feet made impressions in the mud. Inside of it is a single clear shoe pattern heading towards our cave. The shoe print looked an awful lot like the ones I was already leaving behind.

Haruhi turns to me, but the expression on her face isn't the expected rage. No, it's a cheap imitation of rage, poorly hiding a giddy excitement. "Kyon, why weren't you at your post? You clearly missed something really big, and your footprint is above it's footprint, so your stepped here after it came by."

I shrug my shoulders, then produce the blinker from my pocket. "This was blinking in the trees. I don't know how it got there, but it took me a while to get it. When I got back, I didn't see anything odd. It was dark though."

Haruhi looks happy at that explanation - what is wrong with her today? - and turns to Koizumi. "We better get moving. We need to get back home before sunset for tomorrow, and we also need to investigate the tracks. You better take down the tents with Kyon, and the three of us will go on ahead. Don't wait around!"

Haruhi drags a reluctant Asahina behind her and Nagato follows a few paces behind.

Koizumi turns to me. "Well then, better get started. We don't want to let them get eaten, now do we?"

It says something about the last year and a bit that I didn't find that statement the least bit funny.

Right before I left though, I snagged the camera.

* * *

Breaking down tents is considerably faster than putting them up. We caught up to the girls within fifteen minutes of our departure from the cave.

Miss Asahina finally consented to walk in the general direction the footprints. I must admit, the footprints were large. Like, the width was enough to fit my foot sideways in it.

I didn't really get a good look at them, as we hurried along. Haruhi was really driving us to find that damn yeti.

Speaking of which, what were we going to do once we found it? Talk to it? Capture it? Get eaten? Who knows?

Suddenly, the soft ground gives way to rocky terrain. Muddy footprints continue for a few meters before they disappear.

"Aw, I really thought we could find one." Haruhi (once again, being extremely puzzling) pretends to pout. "Well, we should probably head back down the mountain. No use following the tracks now."

With varying degrees of reluctance - I was the least, Koizumi was the most - we headed back down the mountain. We passed our tracks that we made coming up, still deep in the mud, unperturbed. Although...

Yeah, I think I saw two pairs of my boot's tracks. I wonder when I'll "get" to go back in time and work on this mess.

Suddenly, a thought struck me. Just recently, Haruhi had been acting very similar.

Valentine's day. She had us up on a mountain, looking for what wasn't there to begin with. She set this up. That also explains why she wanted it recorded.

Anyways, we went home and Haruhi called me up to tell me to edit the footage together tonight. I checked the camera, and although I have over six hours of footage, they are all from two spots. It was gonna be really lame, but I guess I could edit it into the highlights. It took me two hours, as well as an admonishment for staying up so late on a school night, but I went to bed satisfied I had done my best.

I just hoped it was enough for Haruhi.

* * *

The next morning, Haruhi pounced on me before class started. And I mean literally pounced. I don't know how she managed to get on top of that bookshelf, but I do know at having a girl land on you out of the blue is a novel experience, even for me.

It didn't help that she landed straddling me in front of the whole class.

"So, did you get it finished?" her eyes sparkle the way they do when she is really excited and the rest of the SOS Brigade starts to want to run away.

"Yeah, but I didn't get too much good footage. I'll shoe you it in the club room after classes, okay? Now get off me, please."

She springs to her feet and walks over to her desk. I slowly drag myself after her. It's gonna be a long wait until club, isn't it?

Surprisingly, once club started, Haruhi was back in good spirits. "Okay! Now, while we were on that mountain, I told Kyon to subtly record us."

Miss Asahina squeaks at that announcement.

"Oh, don't worry. I only did it to ensure nobody was acting unnatural. I had Kyon edit it together last night, so here it is!" she pops the disc I gave her into the cd drive on the computer. Looking over her shoulder, I was surprised to see that the size of the file was about twice what I thought it had been last night. I was sure of it. Haruhi booted up the file and we all watched in silence.

* * *

I'll end that here. There isn't much more. I travel back in time and record more, and- eh, I'll save that for another day. I'll also add a transcription of the video I edited, as well as the actual video, if I can find it. Meantime, I'll get back to my account of the apocalypse.

Let's see, last report was on the 29th. So, yesterday, we went on a raid. Not like the video game type, though. Koizumi, Mikuru and I all went to our Highschool to find anything useful. For the most part, it was abandoned. Since Haruhi had taken over, school had been cancelled. That let her get away with doing things like, I don't know, ripping up the entirety of the main building and breeding those stupid Haru-dogs in its place. Koizumi had gotten a pistol like mine after he had gotten better, along with the AR chip and together we wiped out the nest that the things had built out of the rubble. The Haru-dog seem to like to hoard things, and we found plenty of packaged foods that were still good, even if the outer casings were covered in slobber. We managed to fill our bags with goods before we even left the crater, but I had one other place I wanted to go.

The club building (whatever it used to be, it was pretty much the club building now. Hell, it was almost the ONLY building) was still standing, looking oddly large when not crowded in by the other buildings. I had idly wondered why Haruhi had left it standing, and had at that time determined it was out of sentimentality.

That was incorrect, but, I'll get to that. In this report even, I swear!

Anyway, I headed up the the literary club room, commandeered by the SOS Brigade, and found the door unlocked. Koizumi and Mikuru decided to keep watch while I went in.

Once I was inside, I really felt that they should've come with me. The lock clicking behind me made sure that they weren't going to follow me though.

Inside, smiling at me with a malicious grin, was Haruhi. The goddess herself, come down to visit a lowly peon. I say as much out loud, making the sarcasm so thick even Mikuru would've gotten it.

"Tsk. Is that how you greet me? Aw and I thought we had something special going on." Her tone is mocking.

I watch her idly start levitating books off the bookcase and reordering them. Had I not been really nervous about her killing me, I would've been impressed. "What do you want? If its the bounty you're after, good luck finding anyone who will be willing to pay it to you."

"No," she cheerily opens a desk drawer without touching it and rearranging the contents. "Actually, I can't kill you. Believe me, I tried. After that stunt you pulled on Christmas? I feel like you deserve it. However, you seem to be immune to my powers. See?"

Three pens from the drawer rocket towards my face, only to stop a good two inches from my eyes.

"I can't seem to touch you with my powers, so I had to use minions. And since 99% of the world is my minions, it should be an easy task once I find where you are."

I look down at the floor. "I don't know where you are, but I'm in the club room."

"Oh, I meant your base. I only left this dingy building here to get you to come in here. I figured you would, sooner or later."

I shrug. She got me. Oh well.

"I was curious, why did you do what you did on Christmas? Did you think that I wouldn't use my new knowledge? I've wanted for so long for something cool like this to happen, and then you just tell me I've been living it all along, without noticing? I don't think I could've handled that pressure!"

Now, I'm not entirely sure, but I think she didn't handle it. So either she's having a mental break, or... something. "Well, it wasn't right to keep it from you in the first place. In fact, I did try to tell you. You didn't believe me."

She grimaces a bit. "Yeah. But I since I didn't believe you, we got into this mess, right?"

I was honestly dumbstruck. No traces of the fear were left, for some reason. "Wait a goddamn minute! Are you honestly blaming me for your unbelief? There were signs everywhere! Mikuru firing lasers out of colored contacts! Cherry blossoms in fall! That dumb volcano eruption! How about a six year old out-batting some of the players on the best local team? On Tsuruya's mountain, we got caught in a temporal distraction caused by an alien! We even went to war with them, and you didn't notice!"

I march right up to her and poke my finger in her face. "It's not my fault this happened. It's your fault for being so freaking oblivious!"

She stares at my finger crosseyed, her face twisting between unbridled rage and horror. "You- you really think that?" Her voice goes really quiet. "You really think that I wanted to be oblivious?" Her face completely switches over to rage. "I would've given anything to get out of the boredom of everyday life! Now that I finally can, I'm going to make sure I never have to live a boring day again!"

And then I blacked out. I think she did it to me, maybe by hitting me on the head. But when I woke up, the club room door was broken off its hinges, Koizumi and Mikuru were hovering over me with a few others hanging around, and Haruhi was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

It turns out I was out for a good three hours before Koizumi was able to get help breaking down the door. After we got back, I was debriefed by Yuki, then told to get some rest.

This morning, nothing particularly special happened, just trying to get the info off the old club computer (Which I had insisted we recover) until the girl that I thought might glomp onto me a while ago decided to start yelling at me during lunch.

Apparently, I was a stinking no good heartbreaker because I didn't tell anyone I had a girlfriend out loud. Yuki had evidently unclassified the reports. I personally found it odd she didn't think to mention that I wrote about her like- hey, let's not go back down that path, shall we?

Oh yeah, one of my reports got corrupted as well. I guess I'll have to go fix that.

So, my list of things I promised to write about! First off, Christmas. Second, the corrupted data. Third, the yeti files. Fourth... Hmm. Maybe I'll write about the volcano incident. Or maybe the war between the IDSE and The Canopy.

Either way, I doubt I'm gonna get much rest.

I think that one of Haruhi's scouts found our base. Either that, or someone just wandered past one of our cameras, looked at it, and left, sprinting, in the other direction.

Yeah. If I survive the night. Big if.


	6. Chapter 6: Catching Up, part 1

Report

Filed on: 1/1/14 11:28 PM

Real name: [Redacted]

Code name: "Kyon"

* * *

One week.

I never before noticed it was exactly a week between Christmas and New Years day. Both Wednesdays though, so, a week.

Happy freaking new year. You got an evil overlord for Christmas, your resolution should be to survive. Give an arbitrary length on that. Surviving one more day means you die tomorrow, where surviving the year means you die then. So leave the "time" slot blank.

Anyways.

I didn't do anything but sit at the cameras all day today, so nothing interesting happened. I wasn't even allowed to write the whole time because Yuki was worried (I think) about that random person we got yesterday. If it really was one of Haruhi's spies, she has yet to act on it.

Anyways, I promised a lot recently, and I'm going to use my eating time to write some of those things up.

First of all, Christmas.

* * *

So we left the club room. Haruhi held me back and made the others go on ahead.

I figured she just wanted to give me special instructions.

"Kyon, somebody told me something. Something really weird."

I resist the urge to groan and instead put a smile on my face. "So, the SOS Brigade has a new client?"

She blinks at me for a second. "Wait, we're still doing that?"

"It is technically the reason the club was founded."

"Yeah but... Look, it's not a client. It's just something weird."

I lean against the wall. Haruhi seems to be off. Like yesterday, at the diner-

"You know that girl Sasake, right?"

My heart drops into my stomach. "Uh, yeah. Middle school friend. Still hang out sometimes."

"Well, she told me that she has these three friends. One is a time traveler, one is some kind of alien, and one is an esper. She said she didn't actually believe each of them was what they said, but they sometimes do weird things. Do you think that could be true?"

I heave an entirely internal sigh of relief. "What do you think? All three of them, in one place?"

She glares at me. "Sasake said that they were interested in her for some supposed power, that she insists she doesn't have."

"Well, that would solve that question." I mumble. If I get out of this, I'm going to have a nice long chat with Sasake with heavy emphasis on not talking to Haruhi. "Well, I want to think those things exist, but-"

"Kyon."

"Hmm?"

"Stop lying to me already."

Oh shit.

"Sasake told me that Koizumi, Yuki and Mikuru are the rivals of her friends, and that those three are also time travelers, or espers, or aliens. And then she told me that I was the one they were interested in. That I had some power her friends thought I stole from her. She went on to describe this power too. I can apparently change the world just by believing it should be another way!"

"Surely you would've-"

I didn't. But last night, at the restaurant? Remember how I asked you if the wallpaper matched the mood?"

I mentally struggle to find words. Last night was kind of a haze, since Haruhi was knockout gorgeous in a dress. "Let's go with not really."

She gets a restrained grin. The kind villains in movies wear right before chewing out their minions. "I asked if the brownish wallpaper really suited the decor of the rest of the festivized restaurant. You didn't have time to reply before you got a call. You left to take it, and I went to work. I closed my eyes, believing with all my might that the wallpaper should be red and green stripes. When I opened my eyes-"

Yeah, I'm going to say it again. OH SHIT.

"-There it was, completely different from what it was before, and nobody noticed. Nobody. The entire building got a makeover as if by magic. When you got back, I didn't say anything, hoping you'd notice, but I guess that wasn't going to happen anyway."

I was about to let out an indignant "Hey!" but she puts her hands on her hips and leans close, narrowing her eyes. "You don't seem to surprised about the sudden makeover now. Nor do you seem surprised about all the accusations I made against the rest of the SOS Brigade."

I heave a sigh. "You got me. I can't say anything to refute your claims."

"So, in our group, who is who?" she grabs my shirt, presumably to keep me from running away. My cell phone rings, the specific ringtone for Koizumi resounding through the empty hallways.

"Er, Mikuru's a time traveler, Yuki's an alien thing, and Koizumi's an esper. Uh, it's more complicated than that but I'll need time to explain it."

"Not interested at the moment. So what are you? Slider?" She shakes me. "I want the truth too! If you lie, I'll drop you off the building."

I'm pretty sure she would too. "I'm normal. Nobody in the know could figure out why the hell you'd drag me, a normal kid, into your life when you abhor anything normal."

"And why would I? I'm not going to believe you if you make such an obvious lie."

"The only guess I could figure is 'cause I gave you the idea. I remember being dragged by my tie to a stairwell."

Said tie is released. "So. You're really nothing special. Should I keep you around?"

"Around for what?" I was really dreading the answer, but figured I wanted it anyway.

"I'm going to rebuild the world. It will be a lot better than this one, and I'm debating whether or not to take you with me."

My rage finally overcomes my fear. "See? That's why we never told you! You want to remake the world! Everyone else, including those in the SOS Brigade want everything to remain the same. You are the only one who would tear down an entire planet just to make a movie, and for some stupid reason, you were granted that power! For the last three years, it's been my job to make sure you didn't bend the laws of reality to the point where you realized stuff was going on. The first time it really fell n my shoulders, we got transported to your own pocket dimension. Surely you remember it?"

She narrows her eyes, confusion starting to replace anger. "No, I don't."

"We both woke up in the school. It was empty, no people, no electricity except for the clubroom, there was a barrier around the school. Big blue giants-"

She looks very chagrined now. "I never told you about that dream."

"That's because I was there. You actually transported both of us there."

"But that means... Why the hell did you kiss me back then?"

The silence stretches a bit.

"Really? Of all the things to focus on, you pick that?" I sigh. "It was the last resort. I couldn't think of anything else to do that would get you to want to send us back to earth. I asked Yuki later, and we were gone over two hours from our beds."

"So!" suddenly her face sports a manic smile. "If kissing me was a last ditch effort to save yourself, then how about us now, hmm? When I asked you to be my boyfriend, did you do that to save yourself? Did you think, 'If Haruhi doesn't get her way, she'll erase the world?'"

I stare at her. "The answer is no. I've wanted to date you since the first day of school, but never had the nerve."

"But! You see, maybe I'm right, and I decided I didn't like that, and rewrote you!"

"Uh, I highly doubt that-"

"I don't care! As far as I know, everything is a lie! I'm going to find Yuki. Maybe she'll be more helpful."

Suddenly, Haruhi glows. The brick wall behind her splits apart like it does in Harry Potter before she jumps out and starts flying away.

"Well, it looks like she does believe she can fly." I yell sarcastically.

Yuki appears at my elbow. "The IDSE has authorized zones to shield the inhabitants of earth from what may become a near apocalyptic scenario. The IDSE has also constructed garbage data around this planet so Haruhi will have considerable trouble affecting anything outside of earth. I recommend we head for the nearest one now."

I followed her to the base, where she told me to write a report. And that's when I posted my first report. So yeah.

* * *

Man, that was hard to write. I had almost no recollection of that until I tried writing that. It probably was some kind of unconscious repression.

Er, I don't think I need to write about our Christmas eve date. I'll Attach a picture of Haruhi I took. But before that, I'll write what got corrupted in my other report.

* * *

Haruhi was following me home. I thought it was odd. I think that was still in the old report. She then decided to ask me how I thought of her.

"Well, let's see. You're smart, quick, strong, and brave. You're pretty attractive, and if it wasn't for your eccentricities at the start of the first year, you would've been mobbed by guys constantly. I thought you were pretty interesting, especially the way you kept your hair. I- we'll, you didn't have many friends that I could tell, so I tried to be one. Um, I'm on a tangent."

She smiles at me. "You answered the question, so whatever." she drifts back into silence. We turn the corner and my house is in view. Haruhi glances at it and seemingly makes up her mind about something.

"Kyon?"

I look down at her with a questioning look.

"I've never done this before, but otherguyshavesaidthistoomeand-"

"Slow down!" I stop and turn to her. "Panicing doesn't do anyone any good."

She takes a deep breath. "Do you want to be my boyfriend?"

I'm not really sure how I responded, but I do remember Haruhi tackling me with a kiss, then suddenly leaping off and running in the direction of her house.

My guess is that I said yes, but like I said, I'm not sure.

* * *

Well, that was short. Hmm.

Dinner is almost up, so I guess I better get back to Yuki to see what my next assignments are. I hope that everyone that reads these things are in better situations than I am. If not... God help you.

And hopefully not the female one known as Haruhi.

* * *

File insert: Christmas_2013067 jpg

Description: Haruhi sits in a chair in a restaurant. She smiles at the photographer kind of shyly, odd for Haruhi. Her dress is dark red with shimmery threads woven through it. It comes down right past her knees. It has no frills or bows or other fancy additions, which fits Haruhi, somehow. Plain, but stunning.

Yeah, that fits.


	7. Chapter 7: Catching Up, part 2

Report

Filed on 1/2/14 4:19 PM

Real name: [Redacted]

Code name: "Kyon"

* * *

I managed to get all the files I could off the computer we recovered from the club room. Now I'll be able to Attatch a bunch more things, like the Yeti file! In fact, let me do at now. I'll give the rest of the report after.

* * *

Attach file: TheSearch4Yeti wmv

/ File transcript

/ input start

_Opening credits. Title is shown over a sweeping view of a snow covered mountain, which it should be noted is undeniably not the same one shown in the rest of the short film. The next shot is of four people sitting at a table. "Alright. Here's the game plan. We're gonna go up the mountain, search for any sign of the yeti, then, if we can, take some pictures of it. Anyone got any thought?"_

_Haruhi looks around the table. Three faces look back impassively, knowing that any attempt to actually add another goal would probably be shot down._

_"Alright then! As soon as Kyon gets back, let's catch a bus."_

_They continue to suck down their drinks for a few seconds, then the quartet puts on their jackets right as Kyon exits the bathroom. Haruhi hands him the check and the camera stays on long enough to show his look of dismay before it cuts to a new screen._

_The five SOS Brigade members climb the side of the mountain, when suddenly Kyon turns to Koizumi. "Here you go. One of the pistols. I figure I shouldn't have both." Koizumi smirks. "I'll take good care of your protection."_

_Kyon turns and fire the pistol. Mikuru jumps to the side as the projectile passes by her. _

_"Eeek!"_

_"Ah, I'm sorry! I was trying-" Kyon blusters. _

_Haruhi approaches Kyon. "Kyon! I thought I told you to keep our protection hidden!"_

_Mikuru goes deep red at that and Koizumi snickers. Kyon's voice is hoarse as he replies._

_"Uh, Haruhi? You realize that the the way you say it implies-"_

_"Oh who cares! Just give me that pistol already." She proceeds to swipe the pistol out of his hand. _

_The group continues moving, ascending the mountain._

_The camera then cuts to a cave. The group stands around it, looking into the inky depths._

_Koizumi hands Kyon his pistol. "If the yeti is in there, yell loudly." He whispers in a stage whisper. _

_Kyon gulps, but goes in._

_There is a tense few minutes where the people outside the cave wait, along with a slowly winding up music track._

_And then Kyon appears, completely unharmed._

_Haruhi and Kyon proceed to pitch the tents, Mikuru cooks, and they draw for watches._

_The camera then cuts to the fourth watch, Kyon's, and watches as he notices something, gets up, and goes after it. There is a stretch of blankness, then an large, furry thing approaches the cave, gives off a few snorts, and then leaves, and the footprints are easy for the camera to see. Kyon eventually comes back, totally missing the footprints, then turns in. haruhi comes out a moment later._

_"Ah! Tracks! There are tracks here!"_

_The rest of the camp goes and examines the tracks. One of them has Kyon's footprint in it. Haruhi turns to Kyon, a look of rage on her face._

_"Kyon, why weren't you at your post? You clearly missed something really big, and your footprint is above it's footprint, so your stepped here after it came by."_

_Kyon shrugs, then produces a small red disk. "This was blinking in the trees. I don't know how it got there, but it took me a while to get it. When I got back, I didn't see anything odd. It was dark though."_

_Haruhi turns towards Koizumi. "We better get moving. We need to get back home before sunset for tomorrow, and we also need to investigate the tracks. You better take down the tents with Kyon, and the three of us will go on ahead. Don't wait around!"_

_Haruhi drags a reluctant Asahina behind her and Nagato follows a few paces behind._

_Koizumi turns to Kyon. "Well then, better get started. We don't want to let them get eaten, now do we?"_

_The camera switches to a shot of the footprint, clearly showing the size difference. Then it cuts to the girls, Mikuru being dragged along behind Haruhi. Kyon and Koizumi run up from behind them._

_None of them say a word, all lost in their own thoughts, as they follow the path until they hit a plateau of rocky ground. The footprint contine for a small bit before disappearing entirely. Haruhi go up and scouts around, but eventually comes back shaking her head._

_"Aw, I really thought we could find one." Haruhi pouts. "Well, we should probably head back down the mountain. No use following the tracks now."_

_The camera then shows the group trudging down the hill. Suddenly, Kyon looks to the side. The camera looks at the sets of tracks the group had left coming up the mountain. Kyon squints a bit, then his eyes widen. Then there's a close up of a bush, along with two red eyes glowing. Kyon gulps and looks straight ahead, heading down the mountain. Then the end credits roll._

/ input end

* * *

I might add that the eyes in the bush and the furry creature were both added in afterwards. I had to travel back in time twice to get all those shots, and Adult Mikuru was plenty happy to help me go back both times. Me looking back and seeing those eyes, though, I got that footage from when I realized what Haruhi's scheme was. Odd how the reactions line up, huh?

* * *

Anyway, the news from the front. Good news, in fact! Just not for our little resistance in particular. It turns out, the IDSE has already purge most of the earth of Haruhi's influence. People were effectively wiped and reset with the memories of the course that had naturally taken. I have no idea what the hell Yuki said to the IDSE, but Yuki said that it refused to wipe over Japan. Haruhi is still too important to it, I guess. When I asked what happened to the people on planes to Japan when Haruhi went mad, and Yuki gave me an astounding answer. The IDSE had made a new island of Japan and put clones of the people trapped by Haruhi on Japan to cover for them until the situation in the real one can be resolved. According to Yuki, they shouldn't notice a difference. I am still a bit skeptical. Then I had an idea.

"Yuki, can we get all of the real people out of here and send them to that fake Japan? Then we can worry less about collateral damage."

Yuki tilts her head to the side for a second. "It may be possible. Requesting additional resources for verification."

She stands stock still for a good minute or two, then blinks once. "I have developed a method. May I see your pistol?"

I hand over the requested item, curious as to what she was going to do to it. After a few seconds of seemingly nothing happening, she hands it back.

I look at the gun. No immediate differences... Aha! There's another option besides bullets and energy.

Yuki points to the new setting. "Point at a target, shoot, and they get sent to the other Japan. Do not shoot Suzumiya with it."

"Good point." I set it back to bullets. Most useful when waiting for things to attack.

"I will make more. Soon, we will be able to equip all units with one, saving as many lives as possible."

I nod. "You know, Yuki, I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do. If we do this, aren't the people still going to be traumatized? I mean, if their clones are indistinguishable from them, then we could just nuke this Japan and make the other one the real one."

Yuki turns to me, ever so slightly more solemn than usual. "The clones are not humans. They can go through the motions preprogramed into them. Without the real humans coming back, the nation of Japan will stagnate and will cause irreparable damage to the entire planet in the long run. As for the memories, this method of transport will overwrite their memories to that of their clones, and will also heal any injuries short of death."

I stand there silent for a minute, Yuki just stares at me while I formulate a question. "So, the dead people will remain replaced by clones?"

Yuki nods. "The Integrated Data Sentience Entity has chosen this as the path that causes the least problems in the long run. There is no way to bring back the dead."

I bow my head. "Thanks, Yuki. Now, I better get back on the cameras. I don't know, if you ever need someone to talk to..." I shrug and pat her shoulder in my way by.

* * *

I think I'll tell the volcano story. As I was walking around earlier, several people asked why I was walking around a volcano. It's interesting to see who is reading my reports as I walk down the corridors of our little bunker. Well, I should actually start writing the thing. Hopefully, I can squeeze it down to one report this time.

* * *

The SOS Brigade was on vacation. Summer vacation, 2013. Mikuru was enjoying the break from college, and he rest of us were enjoying the break from reality as well. Haruhi had insisted we do our homework all at the same time, early on, so we had the entirety of summer to do stuff.

Frankly, I was grateful that Yuki was still sending me a text every day saying that she had witness no loops yet. It had taken her a lot of time to come around to my way of thinking, but once I reminded her that it would reduce the chances of her having an error anytime soon, she complied.

Reminding Yuki of something is always weird. She's kinda omniscient normally, so when she doesn't remember or doesn't know, it's always a bit of a surprise.

We decided to go on a cruise. Or rather, Haruhi decided to go on a cruise after Koizumi had his organization get us tickets. We got sent to Hawaii in a plane, and suddenly our English skills were put to the test. Unsurprisingly, Haruhi speaks fluent English. I still don't think many of them understood anything I tried to say, but most of them seemed not to mind too much. The first few days were spent on the major islands of the state and on the cruise ship. I had to say, I liked the shop more. Koizumi had picked a cruise line that included food in the price of the ticket, and we were able to eat any time we wanted.

It was awesome.

But as with all awesome things, it came to an end.

The trouble came on the fifth day out of nine, smack dab in the middle of our vacation.

The cruise ship docked at one of the large islands, and the SOS Brigade got of and got onto a smaller boat headed for an uninhabited island. Haruhi was so excited, she could decide whether she wanted there to be a group of unknown cannibals on the island or for the dormant volcano that formed the island to suddenly flare up.

I'm sure you can guess from previous "hints" which one came to pass.

I'm have no idea how Haruhi never notices any of this as odd.

Anyway, we docked, and then were sent out. The captain of the boat we had arrived on told us to be back at this point by 8:00 PM or else he was leaving without us.

We understood that if we didn't get back before then, not only would we miss the first boat, we'd miss the cruise ship as well.

So Haruhi confidently leads us straight into the jungle. Not really wanting to rely too much on Yuki (I had used up most of my limited influence trying to get her to text me once a day) I asked her if she was tracking our position so we wouldn't get lost.

She turns to me with her blank expression and says "Always."

Okay then.

Actually, thinking back on it, that island was really quite fun to explore. We took lots of pictures of various plants and insects we found as we traveled further inwards. Mikuru had gone shopping and had made us all a picnic for lunch, along with a large thermos of iced tea, which was heavenly as always.

No, I think I was thouroughly enjoying myself until we got to the center of the island.

When we got there, we found the remains of the volcano. Glassy shards of obsidian crunch under our feet as we approach the large crater in the center. Haruhi wasted no time running up to the crater and peering in.

That's when the first rumblings started.

At first, we blew it off as a coincidence. I know, I know, but like I said in one of Yuki's books, if I gave up on coincidences, I'd break.

The second tremor made the great Haruhi lose her footing and fall not the crater.

I barely managed to stage her ankle as she disappears over the edge.

"Owwww!" I yell, the edge of the crater cutting into my armpit. In fact, I can see the blood starting to stain my shirt. I quickly reenforce my grip with my other arm. "Haruhi! Are you alright?"

She looks down at me. Up at me? Er, she was upside down, so either one works. "I'm okay. Can you pull me up?"

I look over my shoulder. Koizumi is already sprinting to my position. "Yeah. Just wait until Koizumi gets here."

Mikuru's eyes widen so much that I can tell from ten meters away. "You need to hurry! The rock down there is starting to bubble!"

Haruhi and I look down at the floor of the crater, then at each other. Yup. Not good.

Haruhi being Haruhi, she decides to complain about the situation. "So it was active after all. The tour guide should be more up to date. If I had known it wasn't dormant, I wouldn't have climbed right up beside it." she grumbles.

No, actually, you would've just prepared lava resistant clothes and done exactly what you just did.

Though I hadn't actually vocalized that sentiment, Haruhi seemingly nods.

Probably a coincidence.

Koizumi reaches us quickly, and with his help, we managed to drag our brigade chief over the edge. We sit there, panting for a few seconds until a sticky, wet gloop sound comes from the crater. This time on our stomachs, all three of us peek over the edge. Not only is the floor of the crater now bubbling, it was starting to glow orange.

I think that if we had been on a track back at school at that time, I would've beat the previous champions time. I don't care what event. Cross country to 100 meter dash, I would've beat them all.

The earthquakes become more and more frequent as well as harsher as we all run full out for the boat. We were about half way to the shore when I glanced behind me and saw a pillar of fire shooting up into the air.

The rest of the SOS Brigade stooped as well and stared as the great orange jet seems to slowly stop going up, then also very slowly crash down on the ground, consuming everything in it's path.

That's when I turned back around a screamed "RUN!"

We ran flat out. I felt like I was fast enough to outrun a cheetah, but every time I looked back, the wave of lava following us was closer.

Some part of my mind told me to just stop looking back, but the sensible part over rode that. I'd rather know when to put in my last bit of reserves to get away from the flow.

Heh. That rhymes. Know, flow.

Okay, sorry. Couldn't help myself.

We actually made it tot he beach with some time to spare. Te lava was still a good distance behind us, but it was still getting closer, and we had run out of places to run too.

It also didn't help that our boat was gone. I looked at Yuki to ask whether we were in the correct spot, and she nods her head before I even get the question out.

"Alright. Looks like the boat was going to come back for us later. Ideas?"

My question is met with blank expressions. Nobody has any ideas.

"Haruhi? Really? No ideas?". Let a bit of pleading enter my voice.

"Well, we could run along the shore looking for planks and stuff to build a raft out of, but that might take too long."

Koizumi claps his hands together. "We can use those palm trees!" He says jovially. "There's plenty of them, and in the sand that they're sitting in, we won't have to hard a time getting them down."

Having no better ideas, the SOS Brigade starts tearing down trees. Mikuru was sent to get vines for rope as she wasn't really strong enough to topple a tree by herself.

Soon, we had downed thirty trees, and Mikuru had managed to get quite a few vines. I found that I was the best with knots, so I began lashing the trees together.

Right as I was about to finish, Haruhi nervously warns me that the lava wave is almost here.

And I thought I had just worked up a sweat naturally.

I push the raft, minus a few trees (two, to be exact) toward the water along with Koizumi and Haruhi. Mikuru and Yuki are already in the water up to their ankles.

Thankfully, the thing floats. Everyone piles on but before I can join them-

"Oh crap! We need oars!"

I quickly run back up the sand and look for the one plank I had seen while pulling down trees. I spot is under some leaves.

"Alright, got a stick. Now I just need a big flat bit." the beach, aside from the section we had decimated, was pristine.

Crap.

Haruhi calls to me. "Kyon! Come back! We'll figure it out once you're back. The lava's really close!"

I glance inland and see that she's right. And the heat was starting to get pretty intense as well.

I dash back to the raft, barely pausing to grab ahold of it before sprinting as fast as I could, pushing the raft away from the shore. The slope of the underwater sand was actually pretty slight, so I managed to push the rest of them out a good distance before I had to start swimming.

That's when we encountered a problem.

While the four of them were fine on the raft, my added weight caused the thing to tip creak and the ropes to stretch. I quickly slid off, and the raft resumed floatation as normal.

"Uh, looks like I'm going to be n the water for a while. You guys wake me up if I drift off, and don't let me drown, ok?"

Everyone nods in assent, though Koizumi starts to ask to trade places.

"No, Koizumi. It's better if only one of us get hypothermia. If I'm going to die if I'm out here to long, you can switch places, but not until then."

I managed to make it until the US Coast Guard came to get us, along with a fleet of news ships and the vessel we had arrived on.

The news was having a field day with the volcano. Thankfully, none of them saw our faces, so we got mentioned in passing, but no names.

Imagine if my mother heard that I had gotten caught up in an actual volcanic eruption!

The captain of the boat had apologized profusely once he met backup with us at the USCG station. His boat had had a major problem that required a dry dock to fix, and so he had gone back and switched boats and came straight back for us. Wen he had seen the eruption, he had feared the worst. He ntended to refund us for our troubles, but we turned him down. It wasn't his fault that his boat had broken.

If I'm perfectly honest, it might have been Haruhi. I didn't say that out loud though.

The captain still felt he owed us, so he let us have some of the merchandise from his shop for free. Koizumi and us got baseball hats. Haruhi got a nice compass. Mikuru got a jacket. Yuki declined, but I got her a thick book that had something to do with deep water fishing.

We left on good terms and made it back to our ship on time.

Of course, I wasn't able to enjoy the rest of the trip as much, because I had indeed come down with hypothermia. Extended exposure to water will do that to you.

* * *

Holy crap! This report is really long!

And it's late. I'll wrap it up here.


	8. Chapter 8: A short update

Report

Filed on: 1/07/14 7:36 PM

Real name: [Redacted]

Code name: "Kyon"

* * *

Man. It's been the longest four days of my life.

Using Yuki's transporter beam thing, Koizumi, Yuki, Asahina and I traveled around the country at very fast speeds.

According to Yuki, very few people are left on the original Japan. Our whole goal had been to limit the victims of Haruhi's machinations.

And we've kinda succeeded.

Now, Yuki estimates less than 1000 people left on the various islands, and the only reason anyone's left is because they were so remote that they wouldn't notice the change back anyway.

I managed to glean that she was talking about hermits. After a little more prodding, she said that if they were transported back, they would live the exact same lives as they would on this version of Japan.

Frankly, I wasn't happy anyone besides the SOS Brigade was on the island nation, but the other alternative was to once again accelerate our perceptions to the point where running across the water is feasible, the sun stops moving appreciably. At one point I looked at my watch and noticed that the second hand took quite a while to tick. I estimated that it took about two minutes for every second to pass real time.

Yeah. We spent 480 days instead of four, but it didn't feel that way. Yuki soldier pills had done wonders to our systems, allowing us to keep going even when we should've been exhausted.

This base though, it's really empty. When offered the chance to go back to living their normal lives without knowledge of Haruhi, or the life of hiding from a nigh-demonic half god, the choice is kinda obvious.

Unless you're one of three types of people.

I felt that Haruhi was my responsibility. I was indirectly the reason she had gone off the deep end, and... Well, it had always been my job to get her to listen to reason. If I abandoned that job now, I would look like an idiot.

Not to mention Haruhi might try to break out of the IDSE's prison if she knew it existed an I was outside it. It makes sense. Kind of.

The second type of person to stay we're those who felt they failed Haruhi, namely, the rest of the SOS Brigade. I personally don't think they could have done anything, since it was my job, but they all keep insisting that they should've done something. Since none of them have come up with concrete answers, I figure they just are here to support my efforts.

The third- you know that girl that had read Yuki's books? Yeah, she wanted to stay. Apparently, knowing that your god was real (I can't believe people actually hail her as a god. It's creepy) was more important than survival.

I waited until she turned her back before hitting her with what I called the retrieval beam.

So, aside from some hermits, only the SOS Brigade is still on the original Japan. Thankfully, Haruhi doesn't seem to mind the loss of her slaves too much. She seems too focused on me.

That's how it's been this whole war, really. Every move our side has made, down to trapping Haruhi in here using junk data and getting everyone else out, has been because Haruhi wants me dead. She doesn't care about anything else, and according to Koizumi's mental link, probably won't until she gets what she wants.

So, as long as I'm not dead, Earth is safe.

That means that I might never be able to leave this Japan for the other one. Interestingly (to me at least) I don't seem to mind. I'm just worried what my family will think when I still don't amount to anything, ever.

* * *

/ power loss  
/ retrieving latest backup  
/ backup successful

* * *

Okay, just had an earthquake. Yuki is calling me. I'll post this for now, and get back to you with some actual content once I get back. During my four day absence I realized that I actually had started to enjoy these posts. It's really comforting to write out these kinds of things instead of totaling them up all the time.

Anyway, I should post another report later tonight.


	9. Chapter 9: Untitled, by Mikuru A

Report

Filed on 1/07/14 11:12 PM

Real name: Mikuru Asahina

Code name: N/A

* * *

Kyon said that he had promised a report tonight. He said that it was important. Um, he's indisposed, so I'll be writing this report.

I asked Yuki because I had no idea what to write. She told me to write what just happened to Kyon since he probably wouldn't want to write it anyway even though Yuki said it was his job.

Um, so I read his last report, and he wrote up until the earthquake hit. It wasn't actually an earthquake though. It was Haruhi.

Haruhi had found our hideout, built into the wreck of a hospital. She had caused the quake to get us to come out. I don't know why she didn't just tear the roof off. Yuki would probably know.

I should have asked her to write the report, really. She has a perfect memory.

Um, when we got out there, Haruhi was standing in front of a group of people. She barely glanced at most of us before locking her eyes on Kyon.

What was odd was that I recognized several of the people. I saw Sasaki, one of Kyon's friends, as well as Kyon's little sister.

I wondered what they were doing there for a minute, but Haruhi soon started talking very loudly. Really, she didn't need to shout. Everyone who could listen was within thirty feet of her.

I'm not, um, really good at remembering things like Yuki or Kyon, so I can't say this is exactly what she said, but it's as close as I can come.

"Kyon. I have gathered all the people you care about into one place." Haruhi has a bad expression on her face.

"Yeah, I can see that." Kyon's face is blank, the same blank look he gives us when he's trying to figure something out. "I can't seem to figure out why though."

"Oh, you'll see." Haruhi floats the first one of them up. It wasn't someone I knew. "This is you father. Just a normal businessman, reduced to a mere puppet in my clutches. But as with all puppets, one eventually gets tired of them."

She twitches her fingers a bit, and suddenly a fire springs up. Kyon's father steps forward without reacting to the fire and turns right towards it.

Kyon leaps forward and blocks his father off from the fire. "I'm not going to let you kill my father!" Kyon looks really scary now.

But Kyon's father just walks through his son into the flames.

Kyon looks at the flames in horror, then rushes over to the rest of his family and friends at tries frantically to pull them away from Haruhi, who looks down at him from her perch on a broken I-beam with a smirk on her face.

"They're all under my control, Kyon. Oh, and also holograms. The real ones are back where I want them, safely away from your influence. Now, let's go to your mother-"

Kyon just watches as his family climbs into the flames one after another. Then his friends. I recognized a boy he had identified as Kunikida once or twice before. (I think he had thrown me into a lake, once.) By the end, Kyon was in tears. I can't remember him ever crying before, and it really looks bad on him. Some movie stars look okay when they cry, but Kyon would never be one of them, judging by his current state.

Once the last one had disappeared into those flames, Kyon got really angry. Koizumi said something snapped in Kyon, but to me it looked like he exploded. I think Yuki boosted his speed again. Haruhi didn't seem to be a hologram, since Kyon's punches actually connected. Haruhi conjured some kind of fire right before Koizumi pulled me down into a ditch created by fallen hospital pieces. He told me to stay where I was and stay down, so that I wouldn't get hurt.

Despite Koizumi's instructions, I peeked out the side. Kyon was busy being pummeled by Haruhi while Yuki and Koizumi were chained to a wall. I make sure Haruhi isn't looking, and dash out to rescue Yuki and Koizumi. Koizumi hands me something off of his belt, which turns out to be a crowbar. We both pull against it, and we get Koizumi free right as Yuki deletes the wall directly behind her, letting the chains fall to the ground. I realize that both of them still have the thick cuffs - Yuki called them manacles - on their hands, but neither seems inclined to take it of right now.

Yuki and Koizumi decide to retreat rather than fighting Haruhi with Kyon for some reason. Once inside, Yuki creates a hole in the wall that we can watch the fight from.

Kyon has the upper hand again, fighting like a madman. I wonder aloud if he should be the lead in the next school festival movie, but the other two just laugh. He suddenly jumps really high and lands on top of Haruhi. He threatens her with a knife that suddenly pops into his hand somehow, and then Haruhi narrows her eyes.

Then both of them disappear.

Yuki gestures for the both of us to follow her, and we do. She leads us to some kind of device tall enough for Koizumi to fit into standing up. She gestures for Koizumi to get into it, but before he can, the device blows up, and Kyon and Haruhi appear where it had been. Kyon pries himself loose of the barely conscious Haruhi and whispers something to Yuki before taking his pistol and handing it to her. Then he walks back to Haruhi and pinches her on the arm. Her eyes snap open and suddenly she and Kyon are whisked away.

We haven't seen him since, and Yuki wants to do something about it soon. So, she told me to write this report. So...

Anyway, that's what happened. Um, once Kyon gets back, I'll

* * *

/ input stopped. Saving...  
/ !ALERT! power failure, battery backup initiated at 100%  
/ battery backup at 50%  
/ battery backup at 10%  
/ battery backup at 5%  
/ automatic shutdown imminent  
/ emergency protocols active  
/ report will now file automatically


	10. Chapter 10: The Sitting of Haruhi S

Note: I found Internet. It's all in the next chapter.

* * *

Well. I don't know when I'll get a chance to post this where Yuki said she posts the stuff, but it's currently 1/8/14 at 9:42 PM while I'm writing this.

Haruhi didn't win our little contest. Despite her powers, I was the one who survived the entire nightmare. Actually, I normally would've been dead meat, but Yuki's pills gave me an edge. It also helped that she was incapable of using her powers on me directly. I have no idea how a loophole of that magnitude appeared, but I'm taking it.

I figured that Haruhi would probably be able to break any bonds I could put on her, or disappear them at will, so I decided the best course of action was to sit on her. It sounds weird, but the actuality is weirder. I mean, I'm sitting on top of Haruhi, typing away at a random laptop I found lying around. It still has plenty of power left, so I should be good for a while.

Oh, I checked the website Yuki posts these things to. It seems Mikuru had picked up the slack for me. I was the reason she stopped, I'm sad to say. I had to hit them all with the teleportation setting on my gun, sending them to the new Japan. I didn't realize Mikuru was still in the middle of a report. Anyway, now they shouldn't remember anything. It's for the better. Now, only I (and a thousand or so monks) would be able to be victimized by Haruhi.

It makes me feel better, for some reason.

About the death of my family - I just don't know. I'm not even sure they're really dead. It's really hard to imagine getting back to my world and seeing my family again, but know they were simulates.

In fact, the opposite, where my own simulate continues to interact with my real parents is very creepy as well. So I'm kinda stuck wondering if they're better off in whatever afterlife exists. They'll never have to deal with this, anyway.

So, here I sit. The fight with Haruhi wasn't that impressive. It was the equivalent of a regular schoolboy fight, just with teleportation involved. I noted before why I won, and won't reiterate.

Huh.

I'm bored. For the first time since I met Haruhi, I have nothing to do. Well, I still could write that IDSE story...

Er, that one girl, the one that read Yuki's books? She read my reports and latched onto my throwaway line about the IDSE/Canopy war. I'm told that these reach the outside world, so I guess I'll write up that story while I wait for Haruhi to wake up.

* * *

It was September of 2012. Second year of high school, after the summer. Last year at this time, I was still reeling from the Endless 8 incident.

This time, two extraterrestrial forces had declared war on each other, and decided to use earth as a battleground.

It lasted four weeks.

It started when Yuki showed up to the club room after I got there. I think it was the third of september, but don't quote me on that. When she finally got there, I had to take a second glance. She was actually showing emotion, and not a good one.

"Come." she then turns and walks back out.

I leap up, grab my bag, and tear after her. She was so rarely upset I literally dropped everything and ran to help her out.

I finally caught up to her in the courtyard, where she talks to Ryoko Asakura, the president's assistant. I hardly have time to remember that she's kind of part of the IDSE-

And I get transported somewhere really weird.

It really didn't help that it was filled to the brim with girls. Through the latent "Am I dreaming?" thoughts, I realized that these must be the rest of the interfaces the IDSE had sent out.

There was a lot of them. It was practically a sea of girls. If this wasn't so serious, I might've thought I had died and gone to... Well, heaven seemed just a bit of a stretch, but purgatory at least.

A brilliant light shines down from the ceiling, all of the girls (I refuse to call them units) look at the light with rapt attention.

And they continue to do so for a good fifteen minutes, during which time I didn't hear anything, nor could I get Yuki's attention.

Only once the light disappeared would Yuki respond.

"The Data Overmind has given all of us orders. Since the Sky Canopy Dominion has unofficially declared war on us we are to strike back. I requested your presence, since you would be the best available neutral party."

I only take long enough to drag my jaw off the floor before responding. "Um, I'm hardly neutral. I'm completely on your side."

"Nonetheless, you are not of either entity, yet you have knowledge of both. You also lack any agenda motivated by outside forces."

I contemplate her words. When Yuki speaks, she means what she says. Finally, I realize that she's probably completely right. "Sure, I'll be your go between. As long as nobody decides to draw a knife on me, I'll be fine."

Yuki actually winces. I stare at her for a good 30 seconds in disbelief before she talks again. "There is another detail. Ryoko Asakura has been requisitioned as your bodyguard."

"I can't possibly see how that could go wrong!" I snark.

The Overmnd took that moment to appear. Yuki later assured me that it did not have the capacity to understand sarcasm, or even understand human speech. However, the girl next to him, a slightly older looking Ryoko Asakura giggles at my outburst.

"Hey! I missed you!" she calls out.

"I didn't."

Asakura pouts. "C'mon, are you still sore about that knife thing?"

"Hmm, let's see. YES!"

Yuki steps in front of me and shakes her head slightly, making eye contact before focusing on Asakura and the Data Overmind.

They have some sort of conversation that I am unable to hear or understand.

Or maybe they just had a staring contest. I don't know.

Yuki eventually turns back to me. "Asakura has been reprogrammed. You are in less danger by being in her presence than without her by your side. In the meantime, I will be fighting wherever I am needed. I will provide a rudimentary clone so that it appears that I am still attending school."

With that, she turns and teleports away with the Data Overmind.

Asakura walks over to me with a skip in her step. "I finally get to leave this dull prison!" she exclaims before I can utter a word.

"Prison?"

"Yeah, not really. It's actually very nice. But I got used to having people to talk to on a regular basis, and since we only come here to report, I only got to talk to some units for a very brief amount of time. But you don't care about that. Anyway, I'm your bodyguard and teleporter for the time being."

"Okay. So what's your cover story?"

"Cover story?"

I resist the urge to facepalm, as that would cover my eyes, which I really didn't want to do around Asakura. "Why are you back in Japan?"

"I don't know. Maybe I just came back?"

I grimace. "Haruhi will buy that explanation for about three nanoseconds. Hmm. Maybe you've just come back for vacation?"

She shrugs. "I don't care. It's your job to deal with Haruhi. I mean, it's not like she's been boring enough lately to make my faction act." she sidles up right next to me. "You are safe as long as she's not bored, in other words."

I briefly wonder if she knew just how much trouble everyone would be in if Haruhi ever got really bored. "Okay, let's get going. I don't want to have this job any longer than I have too."

Now, I said that the war lasted for a month. However, the first three weeks had no visible fighting. In fact there were very few notable events at all.

I mean, notable in terms of an actual war. The fact that Asakura had started to follow me around everywhere though? That caused some problems.

Now, the fact that she was talking to me on the way up the hill on the way to school didn't raise much suspicion. It didn't seem like anyone either recognized her or was familiar enough to approach her. It was only once I got into school that this became a problem.

"Hey! Didn't you move to Canada? What are you doing back here?" Haruhi, being her usual energetic self, managed to draw attention to my companion sighing five seconds of me entering the classroom.

I struggle valiantly for an excuse that wasn't the truth. I was at a loss until Haruhi herself came to my aid. "Oh, is she on vacation?"

This last question is directed at me. "Yeah, for a while. Her Dad's job has temporarily returned to Japan, and she'll be here as long as he is."

That wasn't too far from the truth if you considered the Data Overmind to be her father, which wasn't too far off.

Yeah, I should stop trying to convince myself of stuff.

"Oh, ok. Miss Asakura, we don't have a desk for you, so you'll have to sit with Kyon. Is that alright?" The new class president tells my guest.

Wait, so she and I would be sharing a seat? If that didn't become awkward with Haruhi sitting right behind me, I would be amazed.

This began the morning ritual of Haruhi stabbing the back of my head with eye-daggers. Hey, it's not like it was my decision! I even tried to get her to stop following me around everywhere, just for some peace and quiet around Haruhi, but no, Yuki's orders superseded mine. Asakura was determined to be as big a pain in the ass as she could while still protecting me from threats.

Now, I got through a week of people staring and whispering without incident. Yuki was saying that the IDSE was winning against the Sky Canopy in "Aproximately four out of five battlefields." Not sure what constitutes a battleground, but asking further just got me a complex explanation of multidimensional theory.

It was during lunch after Yuki told me this that Haruhi and Asakura had decided to stir up trouble again.

"So, Ryoko. Where do you live? Same building as Yuki, right?" Haruhi was acting more irritable than usual since the club meetings had been cancelled due to my passenger. Club activities had been canceled as well, and Haruhi was starting to get bored for the first time in a while.

"Oh, not anymore. No, dad got himself an apartment in Tokyo, and I asked him to let me visit some old friends. So, I came here, and Kyon was nice enough to put me up for the duration of my stay."

Now, Haruhi's voice really carries. Usually it's just annoying, but this time she had caused all conversations to stop and people to listen for Asakura's response. And she didn't keep her voice down either.

So now the whole school, already buzzing with the news Asakura was back in town, was now mixed in with the fact she was staying with me.

The fact that even Taniguchi was giving me odd looks made me break and ask Yuki for a reprieve.

However, after I had pleaded for a while, she shakes her head.

"In the last week, the Sky Canopy Dominion has attempted to take your life twenty three times, four of which have happened since Asakura announced her sleeping arrangements at lunch today. If I were to remove Asakura's protection, you would be dead within approximately five hours, thirty seven minutes and twelve seconds."

I slump against the wall. "Great. How much longer is this going to be a problem?"

Yuki tilts her head like a dog trying to think, which for her meant trying to calculate the number of particles in the universe.

Wait, she might have already done that. I think she corrected a science teacher about that once.

"The altercation is very unlikely to extend more than two years."

If I was a cartoon character, I would've sweat dropped. "Yeah, I think that I'll be brutally murdered by either Haruhi or Asakura by that point."

Yuki shakes her head. "The likelihood of your death is only 0.00000-"

"Yeah, I'm sorry, but this is really starting to get to me. Just... Just do your best to end this as soon as possible."

Yuki nods, then turns around and disappears around a corner.

"Okay. I need a break." I mutter to the empty hallway.

Suddenly, Asakura is right beside me. "Oh, there you are. Yuki would be mad if she knew you had given me the slip. After all I am your guardian angel!" she winks at me.

"Not sure whether or not to feel relieved."

Ah, shit. Haruhi's waking up. I'll post this as soon as I get the chance. And a decent Internet connection.


	11. Chapter 11: A Conversation in a Hall

That went... Better than expected. But not great.

It's 1/9/13, at six thirty in the evening.

Yesterday, I had to cut my report short because Haruhi woke up. I don't know if I'll get to finish the story tonight, but for the moment, I'm safe.

Safe-ish. I think.

Oh yeah, I posted another report I wrote earlier right before this one, so check that out too.

* * *

So, Haruhi woke up while I was still sitting on her. Haruhi being Haruhi, the first words out of her mouth were "Why the hell are you sitting on me? Perv!"

I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't that. Nonetheless, it takes great effort to not just move off of her. I already fought her for hours on end just to get her incapacitated enough to subdue her, I wasn't going to just roll over and let her take off again.

"Believe me, I wouldn't be here if there was another option. So, Haruhi, I want answers."

She gives me the stink eye. "Yeah, we all do."

I ignore her. "What the hell did you do to my family?"

She blinks. "You should know that answer."

"Then why?"

"You wouldn't come out of your little bunker. I needed a way to draw you out." she flicks her eyes down to where I sit on her stomach. "It doesn't seem to be one of my best choices."

I tuck away the laptop I had scavenged. "I want to know why I shouldn't kill you, now that you're the only connection I have to this world. With you gone, I don't have any responsibilities left. I can finally sleep easy."

"You want to kill me? That's funny. I always thought that you were the level headed one of the SOS Brigade."

Something in my mind snapped then. "I am the level headed one. I'm the one that stopped you from ending the world every day for the last three years! In fact, according to Koizumi, you were almost at the 'recreate the world' stage. I have no doubt that if I hadn't come into the equation, approximately 7 billion people would be dead and you'd be all alone!"

Haruhi laughs sardonically. "I've always been alone. Ever since that day at the stadium, I've been all alone. Even the club activities- I mean, you seem to think that saving the world from me was a chore and no fun at all. That implies that one of us was against the other. From my perspective, it looks like you never really wanted to be with me or even the rest of the brigade. With the exception of Mikuru, of course." She snorts, causing me to buck into the air for a millisecond. "Nobody actively wanted to be in the club. Now that I know the truth, I figured out that you were all just damage control. None of you would have anything to do with me if not for my powers."

"That's what you think? Now you wouldn't know this, but because you got us stuck in a time loop for over 500 years, Yuki threw an error that got erased reality. Only I was left with my memories from the real world. I fought to get out of that world. Hell, I was stabbed for it! I wanted to be part of the SOS Brigade so badly I disturbed the lives of the alternate versions of the four of you. And you know what? You had no powers in that world. The world was safe. Yet I came back to this reality where I could die by accidentally pissing off the leader of my club!"

She snarls. "You obviously weren't in any danger. I can't seem to affect you at all!"

"Nobody knew that until we went on this little diversion."

"D-Diversion? How can you be so casual?"

I throw my hands in the air. "As far as I'm concerned this is just like any other of your crazy schemes. Only, people actually died this time. As far as I'm concerned, I just did what I always do, try to get you to listen to reason, which didn't work."

Haruhi shifts underneath me. I manage to stay on top of her (that sounds so dirty) until she stops squirming. "So you were all scheming behind my back again, we're you? Your plan couldn't possibly involved a certain Data Overmind and a desperate attempt to keep me locked to the island of Japan, could it have?"

Okay, so she knew about the barrier. "Of course not. Why would we want to keep you locked here? I would've tried to find a way to lock you up deep in space."

"Yeah, pretend you know nothing. Did you think your super speed sprint around Japan, zapping innocent folk and making them disappear went unnoticed? You're too soft to kill them, so my guess is that you sent them somewhere temporarily outside of my influence. Believe me, once I figure out how to get rid of you, I'm gonna punch right through that stupid force field they erected around Japan. Maybe even delete the Data Overmind from existence."

"Yeah. And then you'll be all alone, forever."

She growls at me. "I'll have you know that you aren't the not person who interests me, Kyon. Despite the fact all my Brigade friends turned out to be liars, I already had a friend. And I'm sure that with my powers, finding him will be a sinch!"

I roll my eyes. "Oh? And who would that be, Santa?"

"No." she narrows her eyes and grabs my sleeve, yanking herself of the floor a few inches. "I had a friend who helped me send a message, which I guess got received!"

Though I had thought I was past it by now, what with three years of Haruhi, my jaw drops. "Wait, you mean John Smith?"

The silence permeating our little section of hallway stretches for a minute or two.

"H-How did you know his name? He was in high school when I was starting middle school!"

"Uh... Mikuru's a time traveler. A brown haired one. Slight build. Just like who John was carrying? Oh, and John ran all over the field like a madman used to your orders, right?"

I can see her eyes dilate as she makes the connection. "You're John Smith? But..."

"Yep. That was actually my trump card, should I ever need to tell you about your powers. I'd tell you I was John and then you would be forced to acknowledge that you had powers." I laugh dryly. "And all it took was Sasaki telling you."

Haruhi's face scrunches up and her eyes clamp closed.

It might've been a trick of the light, but I thought I saw tears in the corners of her eyes.

"So now that that secret is gone-"

I never finished that sentence.

Haruhi suddenly shoves me off of her and faces me as I right myself. "Kyon, I'm going to go somewhere else now. If you follow me, I'm going to hurt you. So... Just leave me alone, got it?"

She disappears in a swirl of dust.

At least the madness had left her eyes, as well as a small measure of her murderous rage.

Deciding I didn't much want to stay here without anyone else, I pack up the laptop and look for the exit.

It wasn't that hard to find. After all, it was just around the corner. Outside, partially obscured by the Haruhi's Wrath, was a sign. It proclaimed this to by the middle school Haruhi had attended. I vaguely remember the direction I had to go to get back to the weirdo spence, and from there back to my house, or our school. (What's left of it, anyways.)

It took an astonishingly long time to get from one school to the other. Haruhi's Wrath blocked a lot of routes.

In fact, right now, I'm in the literary club room right now. The PC is gone, tucked under a ton of rubble at our old base, if the charges I set off went off as planned. The laptop I had recovered is now displayed prominently on the Brigade leader's desk, with me behind it. Interestingly somehow the Internet still works while in this room. I'm guessing it's because of that saturation effect that Koizumi said our club room had going for it.

Anyway, it allowed me to post this and the last reports. Now, I need to figure out a plan to get to Haruhi. I'll get back to you on that as soon as I can.

/ note: posted at 10:28 PM


	12. Chapter 12: Boredom

Hey. Kyon again. It's 8:25 PM.

Today was boring. Excruciatingly boring. I spent all day looking for supplies, and nothing happened at all. Haruhi didn't show up, I didn't discover anything miraculous, nothing.

At least I have food for now. And enough water bottles to see me through the next month or two.

Oh, I did go scavenging in the computer club room. I found lots of adult porn magazines for some reason (I thought the Internet was full of the stuff) which I left in the computer club room, along with several actually useful flashlights, with spare batteries.

Seriously, I'm bored out of my mind. I already figured out my plan to deal with Haruhi, stocked up on supplies, and searched the rubble for any trace of the Haru-dogs. There wasn't any, which was a relief.

For once, I find myself wishing Koizumi was here to play one of these hundred or so games he has piled against one wall.

I know! I'll finish the IDSE war story. Where was I on that?

* * *

Oh yeah, Asakura had decided to announce to the whole school she was staying at my place. Yuki had assured me it was a necessary precaution, but right now, I was more afraid of the girl in front of me killing me than any Sky Canopy agent.

Haruhi had pulled me up to our usual stairwell to "discuss" Asakura's sleeping arrangements.

Haruhi being Haruhi, though, not about what I thought it was about.

"I can't believe Asakura's sleeping in your house! Has she done anything odd, maybe told you about why she left for Canada?"

Her eyes sparkle the same way they do whenever she has some supernatural event to chase down. Which I suppose in her eyes, she did.

"No, actually. I try to ignore her as much as possible, really. She's always talking to my little sister anyways. It's not like I sleep in the same room as her."

She gives me a look that says "You're a creep." before resuming her questioning. "Duh, you don't sleep with her that would be stupid. Hmm, do you think we could convince your parents to let me sleep over as well? I want to grill Ryoko before she goes back home. Maybe she's an esper!"

Nope. Way off. I open my mouth to tell Haruhi that no, she couldn't come and stay at my house. Then I realized that Asakura would be pestered endlessly by Haruhi, nonstop. I would finally get a chance to slip away from her watchful gaze.

Speaking of watchful gaze, where the heck was she right now?

"Er, Haruhi, let go of my tie. I need to breathe." once she complies and I loosen the tie, I contemplate the situation for all of thirty seconds. "I'm not gonna say yes, but I'll ask my parents. Do you think we should invite the rest of the SOS Brigade?"

Haruhi shakes her head. "No, I'm sure that she'll be more open to the two of us alone."

Oh. Haruhi meant to include me in her interrogations. Whee.

That was when Asakura caught up with us. "Kyon, don't do that!"

Haruhi looks between the newcomer and me. "Do what?"

"She means run off. I'm not supposed to abandon her because she obviously didn't have enough time to memorize the layout of the school before she transferred out."

Thankfully, Asakura nods at my explanation.

Haruhi's brows knit together. "But then how did she know about this staircase-"

"I don't know. Hey, it's almost time for classes to resume. Let's go back so we aren't late."

* * *

My mother and father, if they're still alive (probably not, but still) have very differing personalities. The only thing that I can think of that's constant between them is their uncanny ability to see right through whatever story I had come up with without any trouble.

So I was stunned when my "Haruhi's parents are out on business" story worked. I wasn't sure I wanted it to work, really. Either way, Haruhi was coming to my house for week. Sounds like fun, right? I could just slash my wrists now and save myself the trouble.

Once again Haruhi proves my predictions wrong. She puts forth the side of her that deals with adults she doesn't know and isn't planning on getting something from them. It's only happened twice so far in my presence: once with Yuki's building's owner when we were investigating Asakura's disappearance, and with Koizumi's pal who owned that island.

It was disconcerting having her sound reasonable through a whole meal. When it was over, Haruhi broke out of her self imposed shell and almost tackled Asakura.

I let them too it while I headed for my room for a breather.

Not that I'd get one. No, that would be nice, but no breathers for me.

Yuki sits on the edge of my bed, calmly looking up at me. "We have begun fighting in earnest now. The Sky Canopy Dominion has taken over a large portion of our battlegrounds, and the Data Overmind has decided to retreat to Earth to prepare for a major confrontation. It's logic is that the Sky Canopy Division will not attack Haruhi's location as readily as other locations for fear of harming Haruhi."

I drop into my chair. "Ok, so how much danger are we in? Are your battles going to interrupt our lives?"

Yuki tilts her head. "Yes." she says after a while.

"Uh, how much? Like, humans dying, or just humans noticing?"

"Most individuals will not be affected. Those who know of us will be informed, and in a specific case, measures taken to protect him. You are the special case. Depending on how large the battle becomes, it may be impossible to contain it like Ryoko Asakura and I did during our first weeks of the SOS Brigade. In that case there is a probability that human injury will occur, but likelihood of a death is near zero."

"Okay. Thanks."

Yuki and I stare at each other. I eventually break the silence.

"Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"No."

We continue staring at each other.

"Then... Why are you still here?"

"I have no reason to be anywhere else at this time."

"Okaaaaay then. I'll just be over here, doing my homework."

She nods and continues to stare.

I don't know no long it was but eventually my door bursts open and Asakura and Haruhi pop in.

"Kyon, she's being stubborn! She won't tell me her secrets!"

I'm sure you can guess who that complaint was from. Upon closer inspection, Asakura was being dragged by Haruhi, not following her by free will.

"Haruhi, have you considered that maybe she's really just a transfer student?" I swivel around in my chair to look at them.

* * *

And I'm going to cut this short. The lights just flickered, and a storm is brewing. I'll post this ASAP and finish it tomorrow. Unless Haruhi decides to show up.


	13. Chapter 13: untitled

It's currently 10:36 PM.

I'm not thinking I'm gonna survive the night.

Unlike yesterday, where all was calm, today has been filled with tornados and thunder and lightning. All of the still standing structures aside from the club room have been demolished, and now I'm kind of trapped here on the third floor.

Ironically, though there isn't a power line in sight, I still have Internet and power. Gotta love loopholes in reality.

So, I might not survive the night. Hell, I may not even get to post this before I die.

* * *

I'm gonna make this quick.

The IDSE war didn't escalate to the level where humans could see it until the third week. The two weeks I don't really have time to document can be summed up in one paragraph, really.

Haruhi bugs Asakura about herself, which goes nowhere. After Haruhi goes back home, she pesters me about it by phone and at school. Eventually, she takes a hit and accepts our story (the one about Canada) the day before the fighting breaks out. Koizumi and Mikuru were very suspicious of Asakura, for good reason. They knew what she was, but Yuki didn't want me to tell them for some reason.

Also, Haruhi is a pain in the ass during sleepovers. I never noticed when we were doing activities since I was in "Deal with Haruhi" mode, but now that I actually expected sleep-

You get the picture.

The first warning I get that the fighting broke out was a crazed lunatic wearing the attire of another school trying to stab me with a fork on my way to class. Seeing as there was tons of students around, Asakura used some kind of martial arts to instantly incapacitate him. Then the student councilman wanted to see me to figure out why I was being attacked, especially by students from another school.

What's worse, Koizumi was there, and Yuki had told me not to tell him about it for some reason.

So I lied through my teeth, telling them that I had no idea why.

They let me go, but it was then that it hit me. I really had no idea why! I was supposed to be the inbetween, right? Then why was I being attacked?

So, I asked Yuki.

She said "Our initial attempts at communication were flawed, as you have learned. When we suggested you as a nonpartisan way to talk it out, some data was not communicated correctly. It seems that the Data Overmind and I have made you into a target rather than a go between." there was a pause. "I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize, really. Just keep fighting your war and try to keep us out of it."

She nods once and goes back to... Wherever she was currently fighting.

Leaving that conversation, I had another epiphany.

The IDSE only used female units on earth. The one Canopy unit I met was Kuyō, who was also a girl. I had assumed I only had threats from girls, really. But the unit that attacked me, or the person that attacked me, was male. This leaves two options: one is that the Sky Canopy Dominion has both male and female units, or the SCD is using human operatives in conjunction with it's own forces.

The whole school was abuzz with the news of my attack before long, and people started to follow me in the hallways, a good distance away, to see if

* * *

The window just blew in. My back and arm are shredded. I'll continue in a bit.

Back. I boarded up the window so less rain comes in and less heat goes out, but I'm not sure I'm okay. My back Is seriously messed up.

I could use Mikuru's medical knowledge right now. Too bad I sent her back to the new Japan.

Ok back to the story. Why the hell not?

* * *

The rest of the week people followed me everywhere, making me fear for my life. The SCD seemingly had no compunctions what so ever about attacking anyone inside of the sight of humans, and the crown made it difficult to determine who was a threat and who wasn't. I only got attacked twice more, but this time it was people in the same uniforms we used.

Students at our school.

Asakura felt with then all quickly and without any display of powers that would incite Haruhi.

Until the last day of the war, that is.

Yuki apparently is pretty high up in the IDSE. She was like a general or something.

I know this because on the 27th of September, Yuki and Kuyō had a smackdown in the middle of the schoolyard, and that ended the war.

I don't know the details, since I never asked. Maybe, if I survive this storm, I'll ask her.

Anyway, Yuki and Kuyō had a typical schoolyard fight, at least if you were anywhere more than ten feet away from them. Since I was nine feet away from them, I saw a battle that put Yuki and Asakura's to shame.

Picture the biggest battle sequence that you've ever seen in a movie. One where the protagonist and the villain move at the speed of sound, random spikes and murder devices are summoned out of midair, and the background was a light show of conflicting code.

And then compress that into a 18 foot diameter sphere.

Can you spell chaos?

Eventually, Yuki won, but not before she got spiked numerous times, and I got hit with the blunt end of a hammer.

Honestly, I got off lightly.

Kuyō disintegrated just like Asakura did when she tried to kill me.

I asked Yuki about that, and she replied that the Data Overmind had figured out where the leader of the SCD was and had deleted it. Which meant Kuyō was dead for good.

After the battle, Yuki allowed me to tell Koizumi and Mikuru about it. I did so as soon as the school stopped mobbing me every day. It died down pretty quickly once Asakura was gone, anyway.

And that's that. I don't think I missed anything too important. I'm sorry about the half assed version but

* * *

Okay, the window just thumped really hard. I'm going to post this before whatever just tried to get in gets in. I still have my gun. For whatever use that is.

By the way this is being posted at midnight. Don't know why that's relevant, but I feel it is.


	14. Chapter 14: Messed Up for All Eternity

Wow. That was a busy week. Or so. I wasn't paying much attention. And busy isn't the right word. Maybe occupied?

Oh yeah. I'm alive! Today's the 19th of January.

I know I left you guys hanging because of the worst storm in Japan's history, but I'll get to that.

Hell, I'll get to that now. Be prepared for a weird report.

So, I was about to die in a storm of Haruhi's making. She keeps drawing the storm in closer and closer to the club room. Soon, there isn't a hallway to walk out of the club room, nor a ground to jump out of below the window.

And then the storm stops completely. Haruhi floats outside the broken window, tears in her eyes.

She utters one word. "Why?" before collapsing into my arms and sobbing.

I held her until the light came again. Dawn was so beautiful today. Haruhi had calmed down after a while, and she was sleeping peacefully on my lap while I rested against a pallet of bottled water.

It was one of the nicest I'd ever seen.

Then my stomach had to go and ruin the moment by growling. I gently let Haruhi off my lap and unwrap and eat a few protein bars.

"Hey, toss me one." Haruhi looks up at me from the floor. "I'm starving."

I sit down next to her and hand her three. She quickly gobbles them down, then breaks out crying again. "Kyon! I can't believe it! I-I killed people! I lost my head! I'm better than that! I never wanted to kill people... I just wanted to live an interesting life. Is that too much to ask?"

I just wrap my arms around her and rock her back and forth. "Your life IS interesting. think about it. Its not out fault your standards of abnormal are so high."

She buries her face further into my chest. "But... I never wanted to do the things I did."

"I think you were just angry, really. Now that you've calmed down, you can make rational decisions again, and think your way out of this mess."

We sit there for another hour, just watching the sun climb hire into the sky. A cold winter breeze cuts through, and I snag a blanket from a pile that was still dry.

"I can't think of anything. I'm just so tired." Haruhi mumbles.

"I can think of a few things." I look off in the distance. "You could always just reset us."

"Reset us?"

"Reset the world. Bring us back to Christmas day."

"I can do that?"

"You cut off all of the future after August 31st and looped us backwards in time 15,500 times. Roughly. I'm sure you can extend it from two weeks to two and a half."

"But that won't work! We'll just create a loop. I'll just react the same way anyways."

"Not if you remember this."

The growing look of horror on her face suggested that wasn't a good solution.

"What? I'm a firm believer in remembering everything I can. I forgot 500 years worth of summer vacation. Not eager to forget a war."

"I just wish I hadn't-"

"Yeah. I shouldn't have hidden it from you. Neither should the other have, but they all honestly thought it was for the best."

"I know. It just hurts, that for three years I've been living in the world I've always wanted, one with aliens and espers and time travelers and I didn't get to enjoy it!"

"I understand. I felt kind of bad about that. But that's all I the past."

"Wait!" Her face lights up. "I can send us back to the first year of high school! Then we can do it all over, but better!"

"And how do we avoid the loops?" I ask reasonably. "That's why you rejected the first idea."

"Oh. Right. Well, you're the one with the bright ideas. Do you have a better idea?"

"We could transport everyone back here, automatically fix it up, and continue on our lives like nothing ever happened..."

"But then I still remember-"

"I'm kinda sure that's not really negotiable." I tell her reluctantly. "If you forget, you'll cause something like this to happen again. Andddd my plan has a tiny flaw. You'd have to bring back the dead."

Haruhi shudders. "I already tried that. It wasn't pretty." she straightens up and stretches. "If I have to remember this horrible time, I'm going not going to erase anything leading up to it either. It just seems like a bad idea. So... Can I reset everything to today, but without me going crazy?"

I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know. Why don't you try?"

Haruhi stands up and leans against the broken window frame. "Kyon, you know... I'm..."

"Don't worry. You can fix this. I'm sure of it."

"No, that's not it. Kyon. I think... I think I love you. Like, marry me type." he voice becomes rapid after that. "I mean, I like you a lot. I'm not sure what that means, but I looked at other people's relationships and I thought this was a lot like that and I'm happy when I'm with you-"

"Whoa. Hold up." Haruhi looks at me, tears threatening to burst forth again. "Look. We can work this out later."

"No. We can't. What happens if I erase you? Then..."

"You won't erase me. Not entirely. I'll just look at you weirdly when you say that you attempted to subjugate the world."

"That's... Yeah. You're right. I'll," she chokes up. "I'll reset today to its normal path. Hopefully that fixes everything." She lets her head drop. "I'll miss you."

"I'll be right there. Not me specifically, but a me that still sees you only as a friend and not whatever it is you've become."

She nods, then throws her arms around me and squeezes.

I cry out in agony. The glass in my back get thrust deeper, and suddenly, I feel really, really bad.

Hruhi's eyes widen, and then she squeezes them shut. "Please. Let me just get this fixed. Please."

Now, you may not have noticed, but I'm still writing this from memory.

It's not to say that Haruhi didn't manage to reset the entire world like a video game. It's just that she can't effect me. And I was in a world of pain.

Luckily, we were just outside the hospital Koizumi's people run. Or something. Haruhi quickly shrugs under my shoulder and starts walking me into the building. That's funny. My legs didn't seem to be able to move by themselves.

"Help! Kyon's been hurt!"

And that's when I passed out.

I woke up three days later, according to my parents, who had been at my side as often as possible. Haruhi had camped out in the room. Tent and everything. The rest of the SOS Brigade visited as well, and despite subtle questioning, none of them remembered anything out of the ordinary.

Finally, Haruhi and I were alone enough to talk.

"You didn't reset. I can't believe I almost killed you and still couldn't affect you. It thought it was that I subconsciously wanted to keep you alive that I couldn't hurt you, but it seems like I just can't affect you at all."

"No worries. I should recover soon, and then we'll get back to... What's the matter?"

"Your legs. They're not responding. Some of the glass cut some nerves in your spine. You're not going to be able to walk unless this next operation is a success. It's risky, but your parents okayed it."

"Oh. That explains that." I try to wiggle my toes. Nothing. "So, the glass is all out now, though?"

"All of it they could find."

"And how did I get here?"

She gets an alarmed look on her face. "You don't remember?"

"I mean, in the original world. What were we doing that got my filled with glass?"

When she still gives me a blank look, I try to rephrase.

"I can't very well tell everyone you threw a tornado at me, can I? What's the cover story?"

"Oh. We were on a cruise-"

Cruise? What cruise?

"We... I'll explain later. We have plenty of photographs."

For some reason, she had developed a twitch.

"Alright."

"I tried to give us both of the memories of the past month, but I guess it didn't work for you, huh? I remember most of it. Maybe the pictures will help. Oh, the glass came from an aquarium. It seems we were volunteering at the local one when you got tripped and you crashed through the glass. The water ruined everyone's cell phones, so nobody was able to call."

I stare at her. "And instead of getting medical attention wherever we were, you decided to wait until we got back?"

"Um... My powers seem to have glossed over that detail. Nobody seems to care."

"I can't believe this." I cover my face with my hands. "Just get me the photos, okay?"

She reluctantly pulls out a few photos. "Promise me not to look at them until after your surgery?"

"Sure. Why not? It's not like I'm bored out of my mind here anyways."

She takes pity on me long enough to feed me dinner. That wasn't embarrassing at all.

The next day was a blur of painkillers and bright lights and I was out of it for a few days. It was yesterday I finally recovered enough to form a coherent thought.

It was also the day my life changed severely.

When I pulled out the pictures, I expected SOS Brigade activities. What I found-

Well, how about I just attach the photos?

Attach file: wed045 jpg

Description: A small church, draped in flowers. It looks very nice. But the centerpiece of the photo is Haruhi and I, dressed in a white gown and a tuxedo respectively. Family members from both sides cheer.

At that point my head was spinning. In this alternate reality, we got married? What-

I look through the pictures again.

Attach file: wed127 jpg

Description: Haruhi and I dance across the floor. The DJ looks like he's pumping out a great tune. The ballroom we were in looks very fancy. Guests are cheering us on.

Okay. Either this is a bad dream, or-

Haruhi pokes her head in. I must have had quite the look on her face, because when she saw it, she flinched. "I-I can fix it! I didn't mean to send us to this reality. I just wanted to get you fixed up before I did anything-"

"Haruhi."

She stops talking.

"I'm not mad, just... Stunned. I wish I could remember something. What-"

"I guess we decided to tie the knot early. I remember you proposing to me, and then we decided to have the wedding the next week."

"I proposed to you? Wow. I wonder whose plan that was."

"We can find out!"

I raise an eyebrow.

"The doctors say you should have a full recovery. It's truly a miracle, but they got your legs working. Once you're all healed, I'm going to reset us and let you get the experiences along with me. It'll be an adventure!"

The audacity, the sheer audacity.

"Well, then. I'm going to rest up. Hopefully we'll get a chance to do this before I age too much." I grin at Haruhi.

She returns it.

So, now Approximately one day later, I'm writing my last report. I talked to Koizumi and Yuki and neither of them remembered a thing. When they started asking questions, I pled temporary memory loss.

So now I'm posting this report. It's fiction now, none of the events documented actually happened anymore.

I'm just glad it's more or less over.

Now, I just needed to figure how I had proposed to Haruhi...

* * *

The End.

Thanks for reading! I was bored Christmas day, and decided to make a tale that took place real time. All the posted dates and time are as accurate as fanfiction allows them to be. It was a fun challenge that had me frantically writing around self imposed deadlines. I enjoyed this, and may do something similar once my next semester is over.

Don't hold me too that though.

In other news, I just discovered that the author of the story that inspired me to write this committed suicide on the 14th of January, 2014.

The story is called Kyon: Big Damn Hero, written by Brian Randall. It's a very odd read, but I enjoyed it very much. I mourn the loss of a great writer. The story wasn't finished by a long shot, and now nobody will see the end. It's a damn shame.

I hope whatever afterlife there is treats you well, Brian.


End file.
